import 4.code.options;
import 4.code.about;

class Header{

public void title(){

String fullTitle = "/mlp/ - Pony";
}

public void menu();

public void board();

public void goToBottom();

public void refresh(a);

}
class Thread extends Board{
public void AnonymousinEquestria:Thread#1146(OP Mandroid !b0nLshMElM){

String fullTitle = "Anonymous in Equestria: Thread #1146";
int postNumber = "32635970";
String image = "large[1].png";
String date = "07/12/18(Thu)01:44:00";
String comment = "Last Thread >>32506204

IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiE
Active list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX
Master list: http://pastebin.com/xGf9RcL9
Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g
Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY

>rope's super gay Thread Archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0
Collection of AiE images: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ju8ygvv3n4fa0um/quC3vIooOq#/

Add for Skype: sin.aie

>PiE corner
>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.
PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy
PiE image archives: http://derpy.me/PiE_Pictures
Browser Pony Author List: http://pastebin.com/ZCGjtftk
Browser Pony image and story archive (cloud): http://derpy.me/BrowserPonies"
;

}
public void comments(){
if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636020 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)01:59:56")

">>32636002
Anon must be Saul Alinsky because he never lets a crisis go to waste. kek"
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32636037 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)02:07:30" && image=="ppp.jpg")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636055 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)02:19:08" && image=="good fuckn yard.jpg")

">>32635970
>Anon reading a magazine featuring filly anon"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636071 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)02:24:27")

">>32636055
>expecting him to not have shit taste"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636107 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)02:39:14")

">>32636071
I'm more concerned about Anon and filly anon existing at the same time"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636116 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)02:41:50")

">>32636107
Anon filly is just a test tube clone created by Twilight from all the semen Anon leaves around the place in hopes he will finally understand what living with him is like.

It backfired and now Twilight gets a double dose of autism."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636248 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)03:20:39")

">>32636107
You can have multiple Anons in a story (Incognito, Unnamed, etc.).
You can have multiple Anonfillies in a story.
You can have multiple of both.
The only question is : can reality survive that much autism ?

Anon+Anonfilly stories tend to super-comfy, a shame they are so rare.
https://derpibooru.org/1538757
https://derpibooru.org/1523161
https://derpibooru.org/1391623
https://derpibooru.org/1348703
https://derpibooru.org/1003119
https://derpibooru.org/1000366
https://derpibooru.org/1488224
"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636269 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)03:27:49")

">>32635611
what the fuck did I just read"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636392 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)04:20:26")

">>32636037
Oh my god~"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32636886 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)08:59:40" && image=="1520128262604.jpg")

">>32636037
10/10"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32637072 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)10:27:30")

">>32635611
Thanks for that. I read the sequel first sometime ago and I had no clue what was going on. Nice to have the backstory. Too bad it never finished."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32637460 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)12:24:37")

">>32636107
It's the only way to get more than one Anon into Equestria.

Twilight is just hoping to not get another weird, broken, drunk human to talk to."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32638337 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)15:49:28")

"Boop";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32638529 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:18:23")

">>32635970
>Anon is a grumpy old man
>However, he is awesome when it comes to making different voices and such
>Which makes him loved by all the ponies who loves hearing others tell stories
>For when it comes to telling stories, there is no-one in Equestria who is better than Anon
>However, he is still a grumpy old man, so story-tellings can go anywhere when he's telling them"
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638666 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:48:05")

">A boulder the size of a carriage passes right over you.
>Pulling a black flag of smoke in its wake.
>You stare in horror as it collides with Canterlot's Cathedral of the Sun, taking a whole bell-tower with it.
>The sound of shattering glass and collapsing stonework is deafening, despite being on the far side of the cathedral plaza.
>Clasping your hooves over your ears, drowning out the sound of crashing debris.
>The ground beneath your hooves shakes as if an earthquake was hitting Mt. Dawn.
>In all your years, you've never seen a crowded place like this vacate so quickly.
>Screaming ponies flee in every direction.
>"Invasion! Invasion!"
>"Changelings? Is it the changelings again?!"
>"Tirek's back!"
>"I think I saw Nightmare Moon, help!"
>The terrified ponies shout whatever comes to their minds, panic spreads like wildfire, the usual.
>With a mighty strike of your wings, you propell yourself high up into the air.
>In the direction the boulder came from stampedes Dregrek through the city, Tirek's older brother, proclaiming revenge for his sibling.
>He is as large as a two story house and his colors are foul, compared to his brother's, but he is little more than show.
>Twilight isn't even needed for this, not a terribly big crisis, in your humble opinion.
>The only magic he casts are hexes and subtle zebra magic, your sister is merely toying with him at this point, you're certain.
>The colossus swipes his logs for arms around him.
>A golden light zips back and forth, directing magic of a brilliant light at him at every turn.
>It's not really doing much, besides making him angry. His freakish face contorts in frowns and grimaces."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638670 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:49:09")

">>32638666
>Ugly.
>Back in your day, the villains at least tried to be aesthetic.
>You watch for a while, curious why your sister does not finish the unsightly creature then and there.
>Her attacks leave little more than light scorch marks, she could turn him into a pile of gray ash in an instant.
>You wonder whether or not you should step in, Dregrek is not magic resistant. A single appliance of your own magic arsenal would end this in an instant, so why is she...
"Oh."
>You hold a hoof in front of your muzzle as your sister's intent finally dawns on you.
>She leads the creature the the edge of the city.
>Hmm...
>What an unneccesity.
>You decide to step in.
>A slight itch of hunger in your midsection makes you wonder if the cooks still prepared lunch for the royal family, or if they fled the city at the first sign of trouble again, so skittish.
>You approach the battle.
>Dregrek roars in his anger at your sister, who effortlessly avoids every single attack he throws at her.
>Your ears ring from his bellow.
>She actually managed to lead him back through the swath of destruction he made when entering the town.
>Your subjects fled already, all she does is protect bricks and cobblestone.
>Such a waste of time.
>You're close enough to understand most of the words the colossus is yelling.
>Mostly vain insults."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638673 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:50:14")

">>32638670
>Insect, he calls her. A bug. As if his size could save him now.
>Back in your day, villains would give a lenghty and well prepared monolouge or speech.
>It was considered a courtesy.
>This animal, however, annoys you. You're almost angry when you begin to cast your spell.
>Your sister notices "Luna! No!"
>Sorry, sister.
>Not this time.
>Like the conductor of an orchestra, you gently aim your horn across Dregrek as you let go.
>The dark, thin beam slices through the enormous mass of bone, muscle and sinew, slicing not only the creature, but also a row of buildings behind him in half.
>Oops, that was a bit too much.
>Oh well.
>Can't make everypony happy.
>The upper half of the monster falls, primate half bisected from his equine part, his expression telling you that he doesn't quite understand what's happening.
>His lower half merely collapses in on itself and rolls off to the side, squashing into the buildings you damaged while his torso impacts the ground with another reverberating earthquake.
>Dust is kicked up into the city streets, an impenetrable wall of ash and dirt.
>"Sister, why? I was about to convince him!" your sister implores as she approaches you high above the battlefield "He was about to stop, I know it!"
>Ugh...
>She's became soft over the years. There are times when that is a good thing, among friends and with your subjects."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638681 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:51:18")

">>32638673
>But not with your enemies.
"He did not deserve a second chance."
>Your reply is much colder than you anticipated, he must have annoyed you more than you thought.
>He was very rude, after all.
>"Luna, you couldn--" your sister's voice is drowned out by a horrible laugh.
>You both turn to Dregrek's upper half, his foul innards spilled all over the streets.
>"You puny pests!" he laughs, blood draining from his face quickly "I doom you!"
>Celestia looks down on him in frightened anticipation.
>He makes a quick gesture with a hand as he props himself up on an elbow, dark symbols, oozing vileness, flowing from his hand and onto the street.
>"Hear my call and obey, I summon thee, Anon--" you cut him short with another spell of the same breed, severing his skull from his jaw, as well as the rest of his body.
>The lifeless body crashes to the ground, kicking up dust and debris for the last time with a hollow thud.
"There. Done."
>You glance over to your sister, hovering next to you above the city.
>She's afraid.
>Her mouth hangs slightly open and deep wrinkles appear on her forehead "No... not him."
>You're about to ask her why she still worries when she whips around and grabs you by the shoulders.
>"Luna! Quick, with me!" she spurts out, all manners forgotten."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638685 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:52:23")

">>32638681
>She thrusts herself towards the giant corpse, flying over it, searching for something.
"What is your concern, sister? Clearly the brute lies slain."
>The gold white alicorn follows along the left arm, flying so close that she gags from the smell.
>"There!" she points down to his fingertips, something dark slithers along the ground. Rolling up into a ball like a black snake.
>The two of you move closer to inspect "Luna, he summoned Anonaki, a demon I imprisoned in Tartarus hundreds of years ago. It slew countless of our subjects, I couldn't destroy it! I didn't have the power, we need to work together, there can be no doubt!"
>Her voice quivers.
>Oh sister, how far you've fallen from the old ways.
>You smile gently and nod.
"Together."
>Her features soften as you give her confidence.
>"Together." she repeats softly.
>A moment later you both focus on what's happening in front of you, emboldened.
>The vile runes have formed a circle, they flow along the ground like a projection of light, only made of shadow.
>You step away from Celestia, and you both position yourselves strategically, ready to unleash your deadliest spells.
>You even play with the thought of inviting the Nightmare back into yourself, should all else fail. You can control it.
>The summoning circle begins to expand upwards, any second now."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638695 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:53:36")

">>32638685
>"Luna, I have a plan. I need you to distract him the very second he appears."
>You did ruin her plan for Dregrek, and she knows what you're dealing with here. You'll let her lead this time.
"Very well, sister."
>The summoning circle hums audibly, it's time.
>You pre-charge your spell, tapping into the Nightmare with the very tip if your hoof for this one.
>Then the circle breaks and a figure appears in a flash without light.
>Within the second of Anonaki appearing, you grab for him with your magic.
>"I did it!" the newly summoned fiend proclaims "It worked! Where them cute ponies at?! AAH--"
>Your spell reaches him, and you take his light.
>He cups his face, screaming, collapsing onto his elbows.
>Celestia, having super-charged her own spell, speaks through gritted teeth, her eyes glowing white with magic, her horn sparking with power "No, that isn't... him."
>She tilts her horn up and fires a convex cone of brilliant light upwards into the sky, the heat of which singes your mane from all the way over there.
>Shaking her head to get rid of magical residue and ricochets, she speaks "That's not Anonaki, sister. It must be a new evil. His incantation was interrupted, after all."
>Another one?
"Then let me finish it.""
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638700 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:54:40")

">>32638695
>You charge the same spell that felled Dregrek, aimed at the cowering creature.
>"No! Please, sister!" you cease charging and give her the raised eyebrow.
>"We cannot go on killing everything in out path like in the old days, please." she's so whiny "Let's try to talk to it first."
>And that quickly you're annoyed again.
>Another waste of time.
>Bureaucracy sucked every last ounce of efficiency out of her over the past thousand years, it's a tragedy.
"Do what you must."
>Not even the 100 layers of sugarcoating you applied to these words could mask your disapproval completely.
>Only one creature in the whole world knows you well enough to pick up on it, unfortuneately, that one creature is your sister.
>"I'm sorry, Luna. Things have changed much, I appreciate your patience greatly."
>No!
>That's not how--
>She should be --
>Ugh...
>You kick some pebbles in your frustration.
>Celestia trots over to the creature and you follow along, keeping a magical barrier spell at the tip of your horn.
>Just in case."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638708 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:55:45")

">>32638700
>As you approach, you notice the fiend looking around in disorientation, his hands alternating between feeling carefully along the ground and checking his face.
>"Hello." your sister stops a few meters away "My name is Princess Celestia and this is my dear sister Princess Luna. I welcome you to Canterlot, capital of Equestria and seat of our regency."
>She waits for a few moments, giving the fiend ample time to reply.
>He faces her, but his eyes do not focus.
>"I- Is it dark in here? Hello? Where am I? What's happening?"
>Your sister gives you a confused glance "You're in Canterlot. May I know who you are?" she asks warily.
>"Canterlot? So it worked after all... I'm Anonymous. Human. Are you ponies? I can't seem to see anything, is it night?"
"Why are you here?"
>Your words are harsh, your tone unforgiving.
>"I, uhh." he's afraid, or at least acts afraid. It could all be a trick.
"Your appearance was promised to come along with our destruction. Give me one reason why I shouldn't teleport your organs to another part of this world."
>The pristine alicorn next to you makes a grimace and looks at you with begging eyes.
>Maybe you laid it on too thick?
>"'cause I need those?" Anonymous asks "What's going on? I'm not the enemy here, I came here to pet ponies and fu--" he cuts himself off abruptly "Never mind. You're the princesses, right?"
>"Indeed we are." your sister replies kindly."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638711 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:56:49")

">>32638708
>She closes the distance between Anonymous and herself, her hooves gently clopping on the rubble.
>"We were afraid you'd be somepony else, but it seems we were wrong."
"Sister."
>Your voice is one of harsh distrust.
"We cannot know this. He might be disguising his true intent, waiting for the time to strike. It is no ordinary stallion, your endless indulgence needs to know its boundaries."
>Celestia inhales deeply and sighs, her eyes moving back and forth between Anonymous and you "What do you propose?" she asks eventually.
>Your answer comes immediately.
"Imprisonment, Anti-Magic Shackles, extensive interrogations and around-the-clock observation."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

+++ 2 months later +++
+++ Ponyville +++
>"So, to be completely honest with you, Twilight: A.K. Yearling turning into a romantic novelist, absolutely not cool."
"You might want to reconsider, Rainbow. Oftentimes, artists keep things their fans enjoy when jumping genre. Surveys show that over 70% of her previous fans do enjoy her new line of books just as much as the original Daring Do series."
>The cyan mare rolls her eyes "Surveys, schmurveys. I just wanna read some gripping action.""
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638719 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:57:53")

">>32638711
"The books have action, just of a different kind."
>"Why're we waitin' here at the train station again?" Applejack asks bored.
>Dash flaps her wings and gets right in AJ's face, eyes wide and her voice deep and creepy "We're gonna greet an ancient evil, an unspeakable demon, and welcome him into our community."
>The orange mare swats Dash to the side with a flick of her hoof, fanning some air to herself "Ha ha, very funny. Ah reckon yer gonna beat it with yer smell."
>You give Dash a questioning glance.
>"W-What?" she stutters "Haven't had the time for a shower yet, come on. You know how busy I am. And it's hot anyways, what's the deal?"
>She raises her little forehooves with a shrug, staring at the farm pony and you apologetically.
>The train approaches in the distance. White smoke billows from the locomotive and the telltale horn toots twice, announcing itself.
>Celestia wrote you in a myriad of letters about this, Luna, in secrecy from her sister, as well.
>Ironically, or maybe fittingly, their letters were like night and day.
>While your benefactor wrote in high praise and amusement about Anonymous, Luna smelled treachery behind every one of his actions.
>Where Celestia had pleasant evenings by tea and treats with him, her sister chained him to the next best object and interrogated him under the threat of a whip.
>When the Princess of the Sun exchanged innocent secrets with him, the Princess of the Moon would steal into his dreams and stalk his thoughts.
>In the end, the princesses told you that it became too distracting, and asked you for a favor.
>The human would stay with you for a while.
>Just a short one."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638728 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)16:59:18")

">>32638719
>Eventually the noise of the train drowned out your thoughts.
>Dash and AJ still knee-deep in banter, ignore the passengers exiting the wagons, crowding the trainstation in a herd of ponies from all tiers of society.
>Buff earthponies arrive, builders and workers, if their cutiemarks and bags of tools are anything to go by.
>The town hall has been due for a renovation, a big one. Mayor Mare inherited a lot of bits and is currently spending it all on improving Ponyville.
>She deserves a medal for her selflessness.
>Oh, wait. You're a princess, you'll give her one.
>Crisis averted, good job, Twilight.
>On to the next.
>A bipedal figure that can only be Anonymous exits a wagon down the track, dead last of the crowd of passengers.
>You catch his hand resting casually on the shoulder of a pegasus stallion with pale blue coat and dark blue mane.
>They are locked in a conversation, both smiling and laughing.
>Your two friends spotted them ahead of you and already made their way halfway over to them, snaking through the cloud of ponies that now board the train.
>"Hey, Soarin'!" Rainbow yells exhiliarated and breaks into a light trot "What are YOU doing here?"
>The long guy looks around in confusion, his hand holding the Wonderbolt in place.
>Curious, you're sure the athletic stallion could subdue this guy without breaking a sweat. Then again, they appear to be on good terms.
>You figure that theorizing is unneeded, as you can just ask them."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638732 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:00:24")

">>32638728
>Dash and Soarin' clop two hooves together.
>"Yeeeeeeh~"
>"Yeeeheeee~"
>"Who's your new buddy, buddy?" Rainbow asks.
>"Buddy buddy?" the stallion holds a hoof to his chin.
>"You know. Tall wiry dude, walks on two legs, has been touching you since you arrived."
>Anonymous points a finger at himself with a confused expression.
>His powers of deduction are breathtaking.
>Soarin shifts his view towards you "Princess." he nods acknowledgingly, then turns to AJ "Miss Applejack." he says, nodding again. "This is Anonymous." pats the long guy on the shoulder three times and continues "I take it you've been briefed on the situation?"
>Dash scratches the side of her head "Assignment? I didn't get anything, I'm just here 'cause Twi asked me."
"He meant me, Rainbow. Don't worry."
>The cyan mare flaps up into the air in disbelief "A top secret mission and I'm not in on it?! Seriously? I'm a Wonderbolt too! Come ooon."
>Anonymous sniffs the air as Dash flaps her wings, his eyebrows furrow in a puzzled expression.
"If you want to, ahem. 'Greet the new resident of Ponyville and help him settle in', then be my guest."
>Your recital of this mornings letter takes all the wind out of her sails.
>"Oh, uh. Sounds boring." she mumbles while landing back on her four hooves quietly.
>While you're busy with Rainbow, the other mare goes up to Anonymous."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638736 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:01:30")

">>32638732
>Her eyes are lasers, staring unrelentingly into his. He doesn't even look at her.
>Applejack extends a little hoof in an attempt to greet him "Howdy, ah'm Applejack. Nice ta meet'cha." but is ignored.
>She doesn't falter in her approach, and instead of withdrawing adds a "Big fella." to her sentence.
>The realization that she means him comes with a big wince "Oh, shhhh- sorry. I uhhh, thought you were talking to Soarin."
>The stallion slaps him on the thigh, eliciting a muffled yelp "She's trying to shake your hoof." he whisper-shouts.
>You're pretty sure those are called hands.
>"Oh, uh. Haha, sorry. Lemme just..." he let's go of Soarin and searches for AJ's hoof. It looks like somepony trying to fend off a swarm of angry dragonbees in slow motion and you feel a very inappropriate grin creeping up on the corners of your muzzle.
>One finger brushes against her cheek and he immediately latches on to her face with both hands. "... give you a firm handshake."
>AJ's eyes go wide as saucers for a second, but instead of shaking her violently around by the head, he strokes along her cheekbones and down her neck with both hands while kneeling down.
>The orange mare wastes no time and whips her hoof back and forth violently, directly in front of his nose.
>The complete lack of a reaction on the human's part plasters a cheeky grin on her features "Knew it."
>Looks like you're not the only one who caught on quickly what's going on.
>"Yer blinder than a mole. Aint'cha, sugarcube?"
>"Muh sekrit. I've been debunked." Anonymous says with terrible histrionics "You better take responsibilty, Applejack-chan, uguu~--"
>The human flops to the ground, as if a bolt had struck him dead."
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638740 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:02:33")

">>32638736
>Bewilderment overtakes the farmpony "What in tarnation?!"
>She positions herself on top of him and grabs hold of his head.
>A cold sweat breaks out all over your body, did she kill him? What just happened?
>You need to act fast.
>Within the second of AJ grabbing him, you teleport past a very confused Rainbow and directly next to the the prone human.
>First, your Ultrasonic Pressure Wave Detection Spell(tm), centered on his chest.
>The spell is cast and you can clearly see his his heart beating, Applejacks as well. It beats twice as fast as his.
>Is that normal? Can't exclude bradycardia. Maybe his bloodpressure is too low?
>You cast a modified ultra thin blanket barrier over his whole body, you feel no spasms, it's not a seizure.
"Step back, AJ. He might have a pulmonary embolism or a blodclot wandered into his brain and caused a stroke. I'm gonna teleport us to the hospital."
>You whip around to Soarin "Is this normal? Does he have a known condition? Did he have something like this bef--"
>Your words are strangled as you see the Wonderbolt's expression. He rolls his eyes, utterly unamused. Trots over to Anonymous and kicks him in the sole of his foot "Get up, you're embarrassing."
>Applejack and you both take a step back as the would-be victim jerks up from the kick "I'm dying, only a pretty-pony kiss can revive me." he says dramatically, folds his hands on one side of his cheek and leans back with puckered lips, waiting.
>A glint in Soarin's eyes lights up and he jumps over the human's form, landing next to his face, hooves clapping ear-crunchingly against the boards of the station "Alright! Come 'ere, you!"
>Soarin goes in for the kiss!"
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638754 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:03:45")

">>32638740
>"NoooooOOO." but is stopped not a hair's breadth away from his goal.
>The stallion let's himself get pushed back, his target using all of his might to just get him off.
>Then he relaxes back onto the ground "One of the mares." he says innocently, smiling coyly.
>Rainbow steps forward, ominous grin splitting her face from one ear to the other "That can get arranged."
>"R-Really?" the human asks, suddenly all confidence gone from his voice.
>"Yeah. Just lean back and close your eyes." she assures him. The cyan mare turns around and flaps a bit up in the air "Matilda! Do you have a second?!"
>You snicker, but AJ just raises a brow as Cranky Doodle Donkey's wife looks at Dash in confusion.
>"No!" the human yells in sincere horror "I'm healed! A miracle!" and jumps off the ground onto his two feet.
>Hmm... what in the hay?
"Do you know Matilda, Anonymous?"
>"Just rumors." he deflects your question while straigthening out his shirt.
>Soarin sighs for you all to hear "Listen, I gotta warn you, girls."
>The groups attention shifts to the pale blue stallion, Dash stops snickering and AJ looks him in the eyes like a predator.
>"You better listen to him." the human adds "He's serious business when he sighs like that."
>The Wonderbolt stares you dead in the eyes "Get used to this, he's a clown."
>"You better stop listening to him." Anon corrects himself, his voice the exact same tone as in his previous sentence "You can't take anything he says serious when he's like that.".
>Soarin doesn't even acknowledge him, keeps eye-contact with you and cocks his head to the side slightly "See?""
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638761 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:04:49")

">>32638754
>You get butt-bumped by Rainbow, as she whispers in your ear "I think we're gonna get along juuust fine." then immediately walks off to the train-stations only vending machine.
>"He does that often?" Applejack asks.
>Soarin looks tired "All the time."
>"Hey." Anon tries to butt in "Don't talk about me like I'm not here."
>"The first time the royal sisters interrogated him, he pulled the exact same number."
>You can only imagine how he got mercilessly chastised, a true miracle he still has any humor left.
"And? How did that go?"
>The stallion takes a deep, deep breath "Three seconds after he hit the ground, Luna had her tongue so far down his throat, she probably tasted his breakfast."
>Anon giggles "She stole my first kiss~"
>Your imagination takes over.
>The scene where the Princess of the Moon sincerely tries to save this human's life by kissing him...
>...!
>Lewd!
>A glance over to Applejack reveals a faint blush under her freckles and the tiniest sign of a suppressed grin in the corners of her muzzle.
>Rainbow comes back with two candybars for Anonymous and herself, looking confused at your expressions "Did I miss something?"
>She taps the human with the treat and he takes it "We were recalling my arrival in Equestria."
>"Dang it! Gimme a recap real quick, bro." she pleads.
"Come on, let's go to the castle, before the next two trains arrive.""
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638773 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:06:16")

">>32638761
>"Here." the pegasus mare squeezes herself between Anon and Soarin "Hold on to me." she says, rubbing herself against him.
>His hand finds itself resting comfortably on her shoulders, right in the back of her neck. It's a comfortable height for him, just barely above his hips.
>The group starts to move and Anon talks in between bites "Okay. So I arrived in my glowing white ball that dissipated into nothing. I was naked, faced with the two most powerful ponies of this world. I stepped up to Celestia and said, 'I need your horseboots, your crown, and your carriage.' She just said 'I don't do requests.' and we fought for three days and three nights. Of course she had to tap out and switched with Luna all the time, but it was the only way it was fair for them, so I allowed it."
>...
>He takes a bite of his candybar "Damn, I love honeyed hay."
>Can he even digest that?
>Rainbow looks at him with wide eyes "Go on." clearly fascinated.
>"Yeah. So. Turns out, Celestia is a dragonborn, and Luna a Kajheet."
>"Woah." Dash's ears perk up "What's that mean?"
>"I have no idea, but that's how they got me."
>He eats the rest of his snack, and soon your castle comes into view.
>"Sorry." the human says all of a sudden, his voice deflated somehow.
"Sorry for what?"
>"Prolly fer makin' a scene." AJ adds gritty.
>"That... too." he admits "My jokes are terrible."
"You don't need to apologize, you're not half the jester that Pinkie Pie is."
>You swear you can hear a silent 'Challenge accepted' from the big boy.
>"That's a mare I'd like to meet." he says.
>Rainbow swivels her head around "Trust me, you will. The only reason she's not all over you is 'cause she's on the far side of the country... not that this stopped her before..."
"It's okay. We'll help you get situated and have you meet everypony you need. Come, let's go inside.""
;


if(4th !!rJzy4zXrKAv && title=="" && postNumber==32638790 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:08:57")

">>32638773

~Le Fin of Chapter 1~

If you enjoyed it, please like, comment and subscribe. Click the bell icon to always be notified first and visit my patreon.

https://pastebin.com/VhMDncGc"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32638980 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)17:46:15")

">>32638790
Wait I'm confused, did Luna seriously blind Anon with her spell ?
I like the resulting Anon, but I'm kinda surprised Celestia didn't get pissed off / did more medical effort about that."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639113 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)18:04:50")

">>32638980
that's a good point, I'll address that in the next chapter"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639363 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)18:51:24")

">>32638790
Ok, that happened. Please continue. I’m interested to see where this story is going."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639398 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)19:00:22")

">>32638529
pastebin?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639499 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)19:24:29")

">>32638980
THIS
BIG THIS
>>32639113
good to hear but Luna's got a lotta explaining to do since she not only blinded him but also
>her sister chained him to the next best object and interrogated him under the threat of a whip.
I mean seriously Luna we get it, you're autistic and medieval as fuck but why?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639933 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)20:54:06" && image=="celestia regretful.png")

"Is this thread usually this active?";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639949 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)20:56:19")

">>32639933
sure.
why the fuck not"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32639955 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)20:58:08")

">>32639933
It fluctuates. Why the long face?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32640433 && dateTime=="07/12/18(Thu)22:39:41")

">>32639933
When we shitposting, yeah.
Green is non-existent, slow, or there's a bunch of shit on any given day."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641024 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)00:49:23")

">>32639933
>tfw missing the pre thread #1000 speed of the threads
fucking hate how 90% of the writefags suddenly thought they deserved their own threads, instead of 1 or 2 active ones with varied story flavors, we have 15 agonizingly slow and ded threads"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641043 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)00:53:32" && image=="pinkie pie 91265.png")

">>32641024
I actually left the last time I popped in because I had no idea what the heck the posted stories were about. They just started and stopped, and I didn't see any pastebin links until after I'd decided I wasn't that interested in reading up on them.

While I'm here, does anyone have any particular favourite stories? Either something with more of an Anon focused plot, or a Anon/Pinkie pairing? I haven't read too many of those."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641061 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)00:57:52" && image=="1530902697361.jpg")

">>32636248

holy fuck these are gold"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641245 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)01:51:04")

">>32641043
I can recommend Spaghetti Sparkle https://pastebin.com/WT2Sy2qZ"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641357 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)02:17:09")

">>32641043
>particular favourite stories
3 ones I like
>A Second Live from RT_Pony (Luna)
https://pastebin.com/h0V7jE9e
>Exchange from getmeouttahere (Celestia)
holy fuck he goes all in with "show don't tell" in chapter 23
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/169217/exchange
>My Little Airman from Pony Airman (Twilight)
http://pastebin.com/6yYPLcq6
fuuuuuuu I remember a Pinkie/Anon story but I can't remember the fucking title. I remember anon built a death ray out of a table and silverware when Celestia decided to channel Molestia, had an AI sidekick as well but that's all I can really remember. Sorry anon."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641633 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)03:41:23")

">>32641043
Here is what I recommend.
https://pastebin.com/NxVsXWbh"
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641890 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:36:19")

"Familia 19

>”Do you have the photo album or…?”
“I’ve got it right here, Anonymous.”
>You pat your satchel with your wing.
>”Oh! Thank you, Twilight.”
>The two of you walk down the Canterlot streets towards the palace. You’re a bit surprised, but nopony seems to be shocked by Anonymous’ presence or trying to stop him. You figure that they’ve become jaded to oddities after the Changeling invasion.
>Which was a neurotic worry for another day.
“I had a question for you Anon, if you could humor me.”
>”For you Twi? Anything?”
>You giggle at his use of your nickname. It’d been several months since you began visiting Anonymous in his home in the hills and you were rather amazed at how close and friendly the two of you had gotten in that time. It had been dawning on you why your teacher and the others seemed to outright revere this human for how long they had spent with him.
“Well, if my knowledge of history is accurate, and it almost always is; Sombra and Chrysalis were reaching maturity in your recollections. Was there someone else after them?”
>Anonymous is silent for a few moments before he answers.
>”No. No Sombra was the last one to be delivered. After he and Chrysalis, left, I was by myself.”
>You remain silent now.
“Sounds lonely…”
>”It could be. But I adapted to that long ago, so no need to worry.”
“Can’t fault me for trying. But still, that means the two of them would have left your home soon, correct?”
>”Very accurate, Princess Twilight. Sombra and Chrysalis left within the next little while. Chrysalis left calmer, more trusting of others, and extremely caring. Sombra did…not.”
“I see…and that?”
>”Lead to what you now study as history.”"
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641892 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:37:30")

">>32641890
-The past-
>”Go talk to him.”
>”You go talk to him!”
>”I’m not going to go talk to him, you go talk to him!”
>”You were here first!”
>”And that means this is my responsibility! You go talk to him!”
>”I was the one who went to wa-!“
“Girls, I can hear both of you. You can both come talk to me.”
>The squabbling behind you stops and you hear hoofsteps now.
>You continue to stare out over the edge of the cliff you were on, out on the choked plains pockmarked with jagged black crystals and serpentine chitinous formations, all spread around a truly massive block of ice in place of where a city once stood.
>The rulers of the sun and moon push their heads under your hands at your sides, instinct takes over and you pet them both slightly, despite the grim reality of the circumstances. If they asked, you’d tell them that you were just putting on a brave face.
>The truth was that at this point you’d just grown…numb to this kind of thing.
>Silence reigns, so you break it.
“First Discord, then Luna, now him…maybe I’m not as good at this as I thought I was…”
>Celestia nuzzles your hand vigorously. “Please don’t say those things, daddy!”
>”I’m so…so sorry…” Princess Luna says next to you.
>You chew on those words for a second.
“No one is around, Chryssy. You can be yourself.”
>An emerald flash to your left brings the Changeling Queen’s true form into the light. “I…I’m sorry…” she repeats."
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641894 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:38:31")

">>32641892
>Her voice dulls in your mind as you remember the events that lead you here, the news that Sombra had taken control of the Crystal Kingdom through some unknown means and the news that the Changelings had been cited in the north.
>Collision had been inevitable, everyone knew that. What they did not know was what you had hoped for, that years of living together and with the prospect of an unthinkable collision looming, that your two children would put aside egos and grudges and simply back away from one another.
>They didn’t.
>Preemptive strikes were carried out, battle lines drawn, and the Crystal Empire was laid under siege. You arrived at pandemonium and all-out war. You couldn’t even get to Sombra, his paranoia and self-image driving him behind the walls of his captive city. Pleading with Celestia for a peaceful solution was all you had the power to do.
>This was the result, a grave marker made of ice and snow to mark the follies of your mad son."
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641896 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:40:08")

">>32641894
>”You should be sorry!” Celestia shouts. “All of this is your FAULT, Chrysalis! This strife and mayhem, sealing Sombra away like that! All because you couldn’t take your people somewhere ELSE!”
>”Yes it’s all so SIMPLE, isn’t it Celestia? Why didn’t I think of that, hmm? Why, I’ll just take my Changeling hives out into the middle of nowhere! It’s not as if we must travel with the food, avoid the natives, AND find a sufficient place to reside each time! Do not think to lecture me on the needs of MY people, “Princess”! It will be the last mistake you make!”
>”How dare you threaten me! If your people cannot learn to peacefully coexist within Equestria’s boarders, then perhaps they have no place within them! Indeed it would be easier to handle another outburst from Discord than to maneuver through the machinations of a traitorous insect I call a sis-“
“Don’t you DARE finish that sentence, Celestia.”
>Your two little girls, now figures of authority themselves, quiet their argument. Celestia looks up to you with tears at the edges of her eyes as if you’d just struck her bloody while Chrysalis glowers at her, wanting to scream a million obscenities down her ears but unable to say a one in your presence.
“Stop…”
>Your legs give way and you fall to your knees, the impact jostles your hidden tears from your eyes and sends them streaming down your face.
“Please, just stop. I can’t take this…”"
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641900 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:41:10")

">>32641896
>The hatred melts off their faces like snow in spring. Chrysalis is the first to begin rubbing her face against yours in comfort with Celestia following soon after. You bring your hands up and hold your children as close as you can.
“You two are all that I have left in this world now…I can’t have your animosity lead to another confrontation like this, like Luna, like Discord…I won’t survive another.
>Celestia steps back and looks at the ground, tears escaping her eyes while Chrysalis backs away and watches her carefully.
“You both put this aside to seal away Sombra. Chryssy, you disguised yourself as Luna just to keep up appearances. I’m BEGGING you, as your father who loves you both more anything else in the world, to please find a way to live together peacefully.”
>The two look to one another and lock eyes. Years of tension and fear pass between then in the gaze of someone who loves them unconditionally. They were each responsible for so much, and their fears may be well founded at times, but under such a gaze here and now, it all seemed pointless.”
>Chrysalis is the first to speak. “I will…take my people south, to the badlands in the mesas. There are tunnels there that we can quickly make use of…and I hear that settlers are making their way in that direction. If fortune smiles, we will be able to arrive at similar times and the Changelings may simply be another shadow in the hills.”
>”I…can…” Celestia began, hesitantly “I suppose I can…sit on any reports I receive of Changeling sighting…for a time. If your people remain hidden, there should be no problems.”
>The tensing of Chrysalis’s jaw tells you that that wasn’t a solution she likes but is one she was willing to accept.
>You lean forward and put your hands on the ground to stead your body.
“Thank you, girls…thank you.”
>You do not see them but feel them embrace you with wing and hoof.
>”For you, daddy. Anything.”
>”But only for you.”"
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641903 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:42:11")

">>32641900
-The present-
>Anonymous throws open the doors to the sitting room you were to meet in just in time for Celestia to see him.
>”Daddy, daddy! Come look!” She exclaims, turning somepony around in a chair. “Chrysalis looks SO much more agreeable with her mane up!”
>Chrysalis’s eyes face the two of you, but don’t focus on either of you. They simply stare into the distance as far as they can, containing her barely held feelings. “Poppy. If she does not release me in ten seconds, I refuse to be held accountable for my actions.”
>Anon is quick to diffuse. “What a wonderful sentiment, Celestia. However, I’ve always thought Chrysalis looked perfectly fine the way she was.”
>He hobbles over and gently takes fixes Chrysalis’ mane, then hugging her close to his chest. “Hello sweetheart, you look lovely today.” He says. Chrysalis closes her eyes and allows a smile to tug at her lips in her father’s embrace.
>”It’s heartwarming to see the both of you. Come! Come, Twilight helped me find something as we were cleaning the other day that I want to read with you. Twilight, please, the album.”
>You float the photo album over to Anonymous as he sits down on a nearby table and begins flipping through it. “Luna will be able to join us once she wakes up for night court, I’m sure.”
>”All I am sure of is that I was not as chubby as Celestia was as a filly.”
>The Princess puffs her cheeks out at her sister and pouts like a child which makes Anonymous laugh, even Chrysalis too.
>You’re content to simply watch them for that moment, enjoying the simple affection they all share even in the wake of the missteps and failures of their past. They all truly seemed happy in each other’s company.
>It was then that inspiration struck for a wonderful idea."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32641907 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:43:55")

">>32641043
Jazzteeth
Gatorbait
Cyoa_aie

That's what it's all about right there"
;


if(Mandroid !b0nLshMElM && title=="" && postNumber==32641916 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)05:48:50")

">>32641903
Pastebin updated.
https://pastebin.com/u/Mandroid
For 8th: https://pastebin.com/Y5nUyV4W
Thoughts?

Never write when you're lightheaded from not eating all day, the fatigue will make you fall asleep in your chair and totally ruin your concentration, sleep habits, AND writing pace. It sucks.

Don't think I forgot about you lot. No, in between playing games I should have outgrown and fucking with 8th about /Ourguy/, I was thinking about how I needed to keep up with you guys.
Next chapter of Familia will probably be the finale, and it's shaping up to be a bigger one. I'll try to partition it up into segments and write a little bit every so often instead of all at once so I can try and get it to you quickly, then we can all FINALLY move on to my next story. It only took over a year. I'm not proud of it. Blame the movie business."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32642577 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)10:45:49")

">for some reason or another Anon was turned into a statue
>1000 years later, Discord's memeing of ponyville caused the statue to become alive
>anon quickly took over the mindless automaton
>now he's a golem
>the fuckin' jews did this
>or something..."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32642578 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)10:46:10")

">>32641916
I understand. Maybe you should eat something? Even if it's just a peanut butter sandwich."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32642726 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)12:01:20")

">>32641916
Good stuff 8th! Thanks for the update. I look forward to the next exciting chapter."
;


if(Mandroid && title=="" && postNumber==32643441 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)15:30:55")

">>32642578
I can't do peanut butter, it gets stuck on the roof of my mouth. I'm kinda like a dog.

>>32642726
Yes, 8th helped me come up with ideas for this story, of course he was the first one I asked. Who wouldn't be?"
;



if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32644423 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)19:09:34" && image=="Four Months Later.jpg")

">>32641043

I keep a recommended reading list for just such an occasion. None of these feature Pinkie Pie, sadly. Pinkie and AJ seem to get very little love on the boards.

https://pastebin.com/KJF8i9kd"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32644477 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)19:24:32")

">>32644423
AJ is hard to write outside of "muh farm, muh family, apples !". Too down to earth, too focused on running her business, not much space for stories.
And Pinkie is hard to right because Pinkie. She has cartoon power and cartoon mind in a not-too-cartoonish setting. Maker her great for small PoV switch once in a while, but permanent Pinkie is extenuating to read/write. Kinda like Zecora and her rhyming."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32644567 && dateTime=="07/13/18(Fri)19:49:14")

">>32644477
Green is not a creative color"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32645521 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)00:35:11")

">>32644317
Anon may be a faggot, but at least he's not a tiny fuckpuppet of a horse."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32645959 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)02:37:52" && image=="Spoiler Image")

">>32641357
>mfw thinking back on the early days when these threads were still in the single and double digits
parking

I can recommend RT's story. He did a real good job with it for an early AiE fic. I just wish all the extra bits to that story were on his pastebin too.
Still friends to this day.

Where have the days gone Anons? Feels like yesterday that the ride was just beginning, with the writers swapping ideas in tinychat and making group drawings on flockdraw. I miss that concentrated autism."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32646144 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)03:57:24")

">>32645959
And here I am, a newfag, seeing everything for the first time and wishing I could go back to when it was new and get the fuck over myself and enjoy mlp in its heyday.

The best of /mlp/ thread a couple months ago was incredible and hilarious... but also depressing because it's unlikely anything even remotely similar to early /mlp/ will happen again, and I fucking missed it cause I was afraid I'd get laughed at."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32646573 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)06:31:32")

">>32635970
>Nyxfags in equestria"
;


if(He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria && title=="" && postNumber==32647234 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)11:18:09")

">A hoof is impatiently knocking on the door of your room. Probably a maid or guard or something.
>This is what you get for staying at the Castle. You'd ignore it but these ponies are incessantly helpful and won't go away until they have helped you.
>Grumbling you climb out of bed and open the door to find "Woah. Luna, what are you doing here?"
>"Our night guard reported strange noises coming from your room last night, they said it sounded like you were sick. We have come to check on you."
>"No, no, no I'm fine. Nothing wrong with-" You are interrupted by a loud noise and a blast of light.
>Luna looks very perturbed.
>"By my moon what is happening in there!?"
>"Aurora Borealis."
>"AURORA BOREALIS!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of Equestria, localised entirely within your bedroom?"
>"Yes."
>"May I see it?"
>"No."
>Luna is giving you a sceptical look. "Very well, we shall see thee at breakfast."
>With a sigh you shut the door and climb back into bed.
>"Anon, what's aurora borealis? You keep saying that every time somepony nearly catches us in bed together."
>"That's a complicated explanation. Maybe another time."
>It's not complicated at all, it's what you call Celestia's orgasms. Best light show ever."
;


if(He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria && title=="" && postNumber==32647247 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)11:20:28")

"/------------------------------------------------------/
>There is tiny, fire breathing lizard in front of you. Also known as Spike.
>"Hey Spike, what's up?"
>"Hi Anon, I got a favour to ask."
>"Shoot."
>"Well I'm going up to Fillydelphia, to meet some dragon friends, I was wondering if you could give me some advice on well..."
>Awww, he looks so nervous and pudgy.
>"Seeming tougher and more dragonish?"
>"Kinda."
>"You know you should just be yourself, right?"
>"I know but I wanna make a good first impression."
>"Ok then, I'll tell you a human secret about being tough and manly... Dragonly."
>Getting out of your chair, you start tapping your foot. Two ponies with violins leap out of a nearby bush and begin playing, while another pony drops from the sky with a washboard."
;


if(He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria && title=="" && postNumber==32647253 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)11:22:05")

">>32647247
>"You Spike who longs for love, you must not despair! There's a secret you should know, to capture the hearts of the fair."
>"You may not have the looks, you may have a rash. But you'll win yourself respect if you've only got a moustache!"
>Good thing you haven't shaved for weeks or you'd look very silly right now.
>"A moustache, a moustache, if you've only got a moustache."
>"You may be down in the dumps, without a hint of pride. But you needn't be Celestia, to win others to your side."
>"You may not be very flash, you may not have much cash! But you'll be the life of the party, if you've only got a moustache!"
>"If you've only got a moustache, a moustache, a moustache!"
>"If you've only got a moustache, a moustache, a moustache, a moustache! Big moustache, fake moustache, my moustache, your moustache."
>"Say the word, the word moustache!"
>A chorus group of stallions wearing ridiculous fake moustaches marches out of a nearby building. "OUR MOUSTACHE! OUR MOUSTACHE!"
>"Now we all have said moustache."
>"My moustache, your moustache, if you've only got a moustache!"
>The little dragon runs off to heed your recently sung advice.
>You hear someone clearing their throat to get your attention. It's Applejack.
>"Anon, that was the biggest pile of bog water ah've ever heard put to song."
>"Well it worked for Freddie Mercury."

https://pastebin.com/upQSDRgu"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32647700 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)13:24:35" && image=="1476991201846.png")

"";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32647851 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)14:08:51")

">>32647700
Yeah, I thought there was a fetus hanging out of her looking at that thumbnail."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32647856 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)14:09:30")

">>32647700
>buckets of ice cream have handles
you know in retrospect that's a tiny and unimportant bit of fluff that makes perfect sense and makes the setting just feel more alive. props to the anon that came up with that"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32648414 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)16:04:24")

">>32647856
Gallon of ice creamusually has a handle"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32649228 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)18:33:58")

">>32646144
>The best of /mlp/ thread a couple months ago was incredible and hilarious

What thread was that?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32649233 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)18:35:07")

">>32648414
I bet it's the really cheap stuff too.
You know, the one you sometimes find toenails in."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32649587 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)19:54:12")

">>32649233
ok."
;


if(> && title=="" && postNumber==32650236 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)22:35:59" && image=="yum.png")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650255 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)22:40:56")

">>32650236
I kekkled, good sir."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650256 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)22:41:08" && image=="laughter birb.jpg")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650328 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)23:00:01")

">>32649228
Aha, found it https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/31303021/#q31303021

Apparently "best of mlp" threads are really fucking common, but this is the one I saw."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650397 && dateTime=="07/14/18(Sat)23:15:09")

">>32650328
>>32649228
Man, this makes me feel bad. I used to take caps of good shit in threads but lost it all after my old PC HDD shat the bed."
;


if(>rpoe && title=="" && postNumber==32650668 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)00:23:23" && image=="Motherfucking pony thumbs.jpg")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650757 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)00:53:35")

"It still kinda freaks me out that someone said my green is one of their favorites.";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650940 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)02:06:04")

">>32650757
Just get back to writing, Maony."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32650990 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)02:28:49")

">>32636037
Love it"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32651285 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)04:55:37")

"Horse porn.";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32652303 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)12:20:52" && image=="lewd.png")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32652369 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)12:40:29")

">>32652303
Rarity getting railed by Spike and several other dragons before they decide to disembowel and eat her.

Narrated by Steve Erwin and Anon who doesn't want to watch."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32652666 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)13:46:16" && image=="whoopdeedoo.png")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32652719 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)14:04:31")

">>32652666
A little edge is fine once and a while Satan.
I like an occasional fucked up story."
;


if(/r/ && title=="" && postNumber==32652773 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)14:17:43" && image=="Rape_Rodent.jpg")

"a poni thinking about >rape pls";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32652775 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)14:18:45")

">>32652666
>tfw even Satan thinks the idea is too fucked up for 4chan"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32653222 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)16:00:11")

">>32652719
Goto bed brain"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32653435 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)16:40:29" && image=="WhatarewegiontodotonightPinkie.jpg")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32653456 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)16:45:50" && image=="I'm a living legend, you ain't heard yet, you not get the message.gif")

"When will Gadget return to us.";


if(IceMan !!DDeDTnWrfcu && title=="" && postNumber==32653652 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)17:34:43")

"Hello all. I unfortunately didn't get that much done this week. I may write a little more later, but I'll post what I have for now. Sorry for the short update.

>Moondancer leans against the door.
>The left side of her face twists downwards, but then she shakes her head.
>“Alright, fine. Come inside, I’ll show you what I did.”
>You follow her, and she slams the door behind you.
>The rotten musky odor of decay and old parchment floods your nostrils.
>Disorganized books, covered in dust, lie on the table, kitchen counter, chairs, and floor. >Cobwebs hang from every corner that an arachnid could fit its arthropod body into.
>Plates, covered in a rainbow of different species of fungi and dried foodstuffs, fill the sink.
“I don’t suppose you could take some time to tidy up before you have guests,” you comment, a lick of sarcasm entering your voice.
>Moondancer shoots you an acetic glance.
>“I don’t get many visitors and cleaning up takes too much time.”
“Of course.”
>She opens a cabinet and flings a large stack of papers onto the floor with a loud fwump, then rifles through the back to find a unlabeled, overstuffed, pale grey folder.
>Blowing the detritus off of it, she reveals the folder actually to be red leather and labeled “UFTM. Exp.”
>Moondancer tosses the folder to you, and you barely catch it.
>“That’s it,” she says. “That’s all the work I did on it before…”
“Before?”
>“None of your business.”
>You brush aside some garbage from the nearby table and move a heavy stack of books off the nearby chair, then take a seat and open the folder.
>Moondancer boils some water and makes a cup of tea for herself.
>In silence, you read through the Unified Field Theory of Magic Experiment, taking a few second passes on a few sections, but manage to come to a conclusion quite shortly."
;


if(IceMan !!DDeDTnWrfcu && title=="" && postNumber==32653657 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)17:35:29")

">>32653652

“Yes. This will work quite nicely.”
>The experiment details a device to create a pure magical field, then measure a variety of fundamental coupling constants to show that the field is controlling them.
>Moondancer’s ears perk up slightly.
“We will need to make some modifications to adjust for the actual ‘unified fields’ of the universe, as you are in fact missing two.”
>“What do you mean I’m missing two? There are only two fundamental -”
“I will explain shortly.”

Changes have been added to the Pastebin at https://pastebin.com/ZTq4Duus."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32654454 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)21:03:46" && image=="Trixie_says_eat_me.jpg")

">>32653456
[Trixie intensifies]"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32655034 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)23:22:32")

">>32653657
This Anon really needs some sort of sympathetic qualities, man. It's hard to have any interest in his quest except vicariously through Twilight."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32655094 && dateTime=="07/15/18(Sun)23:36:45")

">>32653657
I want to know more about what Nerdhoers was about to say.

Only two fundamental forces in the universe? What, gravity and electromagnetism? There isn't room in Maxwell's Equetions for magic, I'm afraid. Unless Maxwell's Equations look VERY different in Poni World."
;


if(IceMan !!DDeDTnWrfcu && title=="" && postNumber==32655785 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)03:27:47")

">>32655034
That is, for better or worse, sort of the point of the story. I'd recommend reading the other chapters if you haven't already, they may or may not change your opinion.

>>32655094
>Only two fundamental forces in the universe? What, gravity and electromagnetism?

Yes. For the purposes of Mad Science, the pony universe is roughly around late 19th century in terms of scientific discoveries. Gravity and electromagnetism are the only "fundamental forces" they know of, plus magic.

>There isn't room in Maxwell's Equetions for magic, I'm afraid. Unless Maxwell's Equations look VERY different in Poni World.

Goddammit Joel Franklin if you're fucking browsing /mlp/ I'll fucking eat my own dick.

Regardless, that's sort of what's happening, but not quite. Magic basically acts as an amplifier on the fundamental forces by changing around coupling constants, etc. I established that a little earlier in the story. So the laws are the same, but how strong the interactions are can change based on a magical effect.

Granted, I'm also fairly certain there's no way to actually make that work with real physics, but then again magic doesn't exist, and this was the simplest way for me to get it to work in a form that was at least explainable."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32655795 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)03:36:40")

">>32655785
>That is, for better or worse, sort of the point of the story. I'd recommend reading the other chapters if you haven't already, they may or may not change your opinion.

Comment was based on binging the archive. I see what you're going for with it, but focused on his low point after he got booted out of Twilight's place, I just wasn't invested in how it would turn out for him. I think we need a reason to want to root for him, rather than wanting Twilight to feel good about it in light of the strange pity she has for him."
;


if(IceMan !!DDeDTnWrfcu && title=="" && postNumber==32655812 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)03:48:48")

">>32655795
Ah, okay. I'll keep that in mind as I'm working on the rest of the story."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32656725 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)11:02:05" && image=="daybreaker_by_hioshiru_alter-dbcd79c.png")

"";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32656751 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)11:11:14")

">>32636248
Multiple anon?
>>32640688"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32656858 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)11:44:15")

">>32654454
Trixie is shit.
Anon has to comb the poops out of her tail because she's too lazy to do it herself."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32657035 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)12:36:44")

">>32656858
No u"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32657040 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)12:39:50")

">>32657035
Hey man, those tail poops are all yours.
It's the only reason they let us into Equestria anyway."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32657453 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)14:29:19")

">>32656725
Daybreaker is entirely befuddled at Anon being able to outsass her."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32657933 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)16:29:43")

">>32656751
>AiE Anon
What do his panties say?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32658137 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)17:14:00")

">>32657933
Hanes"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32659016 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)20:27:19" && image=="12oz curls.jpg")

">>32657453
That's a lot of sass."
;


if(Mandroid && title=="" && postNumber==32659860 && dateTime=="07/16/18(Mon)23:51:43")

">>32656725
>>32657453
Stop giving me ideas."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32660133 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)01:05:41")

">>32659860
No."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32660150 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)01:09:38")

">>32659860
>Urist McMandroid has entered a Fey Mood!"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32660420 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)02:46:38")

">>32657933
"hit me""
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32660586 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)03:59:17")

">>32657453
Sass is the last thing you want your tailpoop slave to have."
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660739 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)05:56:53")

">>32621026
>"Ugh! Ah hate walkin' this slow."
>You turn away from the peaceful landscape to look at Applejack.
>She's hobbling down the path to Ponyville beside you, stepping carefully with her injured forehoof's cast.
>You chuckle and gently flick her ear.
"I think I enjoy this pace."
>"Well I don't! I'm always havin' stuff to do..."
"Well we're both off work, so maybe you'd better learn to slow down and relax."
>"And how the hay am I 'sposed to relax knowin' how hard my family's workin' back home 'cause o' my foalishness?"
"I'm sure you'll make it up to them once you've healed."
>You rub her neck and she looks away grumpily.
>...But she doesn't pull her neck away.
"Besides, you know as well as I they'd all insist you relax. It's not often you get time off."
>You hear her grumble something about Rarity, then sigh.
>"I just get antsy if I sit still too long. Always feel like I gotta be workin' on somethin'."
>You walk on in silence for a bit, trying to think of how you can help.
"Maybe... you can just think of this as another job. You did say you wanted to help me befriend ponies in town, right?"
>"An' just what kinda job is that?"
"Sounds like the perfect job for the element of honesty and the nicest pony I've ever known."
>She nickers and turns away again.
>A few moments go by, but as you're looking up at a particularly nice looking tree, she speaks again.
>"So you're really enjoyin' this?"
>You look down at her, but her head is still turned away.
"Definitely. I walk this path every day to and from work, but with you it's... more relaxing."
>You set a hand on her withers and her skin twitches, but she doesn't respond.
>As you crest the next hill together, Ponyville comes into view.
>The school Apple Bloom goes to is on the edge of town to your left.
>You pass the school, turn into the town and you gesture to the first house on your right.
1/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660741 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)05:58:00")

">>32660739
"I don't remember if I ever told you, but my house is right here, right by the path that leads to the farm."
>"That's pretty convenient."
>She looks up at you and grins.
>"Mind if I take a look inside? I'd like to see what yer place looks like."
>Uncomfortable with the idea of her in your house because of her recent behavior, you throw up the first excuse you can think of.
"Uh... it's kinda... messy."
>"Oh apple cores, I don't mind a little clutter, that just means it's lived in."
>You still hesitate, but you can't think of a good reason to refuse.
>She sits in front of you, drooping her ears.
>"C'mon Anon, please?"
>You groan and throw up your arms, turning toward your house and muttering.
"Damn ponies with your damn cute faces. Never be able to say no..."
>She whinnies happily and hops up as you open your door and step inside.
>She follows you and shuts the door behind her, then laughs incredulously when she sees how empty your living room is.
>"This is messy!? Gosh, y'all must think my room's a disaster!"
>You sigh and sit down on your couch.
"Okay, no, it's not messy. There probably isn't even enough here to make a mess."
>She hops up on the couch next to you and scoots close.
>"There really ain't much here... don't ya get bored?"
"Of course! Why d'you think I've worked every single day since I started at the farm?"
>You slump back into the couch and she shuffles awkwardly.
>"If I'da known how little ya had to do..."
"What? What would you do? There's nothing TO do in this fucking town except read or hang out with ponies and we both know nopony wants to hang out with me."
>She sets a hoof on your thigh.
>"I'm hangin' out with you, ain't I?"
"Only 'cause the alternative is death by boredom."
>She chuckles.
>"That ain't the only reason! I really do like hanging out with you."
>You turn and give her a skeptical look.
>Her face seems to be very close.
2/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660746 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:00:44")

">>32660741
"How? You said it yourself, we haven't done anything except work together."
>"C'mon Anon, I was obviously wrong. We been talkin' over dinner near every night and what with all your help the past few days..."
>She snorts lightly and you feel her breath puff against you.
>"I been spending more time with you than my own family."
>She turns away and casually leans forward, dropping off your couch.
>"But why're we sittin' here talkin' 'bout hangin' out when we can BE hangin' out?"
>You give her a tiny smile.
"Alright, fine. What do you want to do?"
>"Just follow me."
>As you follow her out your door, you hear a mare murmur faintly.
>"Oh my, Applejack!"
>You turn to see Rarity smirking, a hoof raised to her muzzle.
>Applejack's ears flick nervously.
>"Now don't you go gettin' any ideas. We only been in there a minute or two, I just wanted to look around."
>Rarity only grins and winks at her, then turns to you.
>"Good morning, Anon!"
"Hello, Rarity. I really appreciate the discount on the clothes, I can't thank-"
>"Nonsense, darling! I told you before, think nothing of it. Besides, putting together such unique shapes for your attire was truly inspiring. You should really visit Coco some day, she has been especially fascinated with the designs."
"Uh... I'll try."
>"But anyways, I'm not simply passing by. Twilight mentioned you were having some trouble making friends and I thought I would see if I could help, but I've tried stopping by several times and you're never here!"
"Oh, uh... I leave early to work on the farm with Applejack. Usually don't get back until after sundown."
>She turns to face Applejack.
>"I do hope you aren't overworking him, darling."
>Applejack chuckles.
>"If anythin', he's overworkin' himself! Why, the only reason we're here is 'cause he's gotta recover from pushin' himself too hard yesterday."
>"Oh? Did something happen?"
3/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660750 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:01:56")

">>32660746
>"Nothin' serious, just he an' Big Mac were out collecting apples all day an' I think Anon had somethin' to prove. Musta worked eight hours straight out in the orchard."
>Rarity gasps.
>"I see why he needs to recover! I mean really, trying to out-work Big McIntosh? Bulk Biceps is likely the only pony who could feasibly give Big Mac a run for his money."
>"Bein' honest, he actually did pretty well. Big Mac was definitely sweaty an' tired when they came in."
>"Really? That's quite impressive, actually."
>"Yeah, according to Apple Bloom they was both lyin' on the ground sweatin' like they'd just ran a marathon when she found 'em."
"Uh..."
>Both girls look to you and you feel uncomfortably like you're interrupting rather than participating.
"Don't, uh... don't give me too much credit for that. All I did was carry baskets of apples around. He did all the real work... y'know, bucking the trees and pulling that giant cart around..."
>Applejack gives Rarity a sidelong grin.
>"See that? Told ya he's anythin' but a bragger."
>Rarity giggles again and Applejack turns to you.
>"I know he did most of the work, but I ain't exaggeratin' when I say ya did plenty o' work yourself. Ya went longer'n either of us expected an' the two of y'all went through twice the trees he an' Apple Bloom usually do. Just... don't do it again, y'hear? Can't have ya so sore ya can't hardly move again."
>Rarity gives you a wicked grin.
>"Oh no, Applejack needs you good and limber!"
>Applejack snorts and stomps her good forehoof.
>"Shut yer muzzle!"
>"For clean, honest work on the farm, of course! Nothing more!"
>Applejack looks like she's trying to boil Rarity with her mind.
>Rarity only giggles.
>"But as I was saying, Twilight was worried you were having trouble making friends. Since my work is unseasonably slow, I thought I might come over and see if I can help."
4/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660752 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:02:59")

">>32660750
>"I'm already doin' that, Rare. I got it covered."
>"Ooh, really? We can work together! I can't imagine anypony would argue with both of us."
>Applejack's ears twitch and she opens her mouth but Rarity turns to you before she can speak.
>"What do you think, Anon? I know we haven't spent much time together but I think the three of us together could have quite an enjoyable day."
>You look to Applejack. Her tail flicks but she doesn't say anything.
"Well, I would appreciate some help getting Applejack to relax..."
>"Lovely! Applejack, was there somewhere specific you were planning on going? If not, I already have several ideas."
>Applejack tries to look annoyed, but you see the faint blush around her muzzle.
>"Thought we were here to help YOU, Anon. Didn't think ya might try an' help me instead."
>You smirk and shrug your shoulders.
>She sighs.
>"I did have a plan, but let's hear yours, Rarity. Is it the spa again?"
>"Well, that would be very relaxing and I'm sure Anon would appreciate a massage, but I think we could help both of you by having a nice lunch together. How does Café Hay sound?"
>"Aw, Rare, ya know I hate it there. Always feel so outta place. Can't we just go to the Hay Burger?"
>Rarity turns to you.
>"Which would you prefer, Anon?"
"Um... well do you like the Hay Burger, Rarity?"
>"I can't quite say I enjoy someplace so uncouth, but the food is quite good, if a touch greasy."
"So you just kinda don't like the Hay Burger and Applejack straight up hates Café Hay? Sounds like an easy choice to me."
>Applejack grins and turns away.
>"Alrighty, sounds good to me!"
>Rarity sighs.
>"Oh alright, I suppose that is a reasonable decision."
>The three of you head down the street.
>"Anon, you and I should go to Café Hay one day, though. I'm sure you would appreciate it, the cuisine is just divine."
>"Just make sure ya wear the fanciest clothes bits can buy..."
5/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660755 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:04:14")

">>32660752
>"Applejack, really, it isn't nearly as formal as you make it sound."
>Applejack snorts.
>"The waiters wear tuxes! How much more formal can ya get?"
>Rarity's mouth drops in disbelief, then she scoffs.
>"How... how much more formal!? Applejack, please, have you even BEEN to Canterlot? Why, the most casual of diners there would make Café Hay look like the kitchen in your barn!"
>Applejack's ears flip straight back as she shoots Rarity a harsh glare.
>"An' just what's that 'sposed to mean!?"
>Rarity huffs and opens her mouth to respond, then pauses.
>After a few seconds, she looks down, her ears drooping.
>"I'm sorry Applejack, I didn't mean to offend. I only meant that your family kitchen is likely the most homely and down-to-earth place to eat in... well, probably all of Equestria. It's the polar opposite of a Canterlot high-society restaurant with three hooves from Zesty Gourmand."
>Applejack relaxes and smiles apologetically.
>"Guess I'm sorry too. I shouldn't've snapped like that. I oughta know by now ya ain't tryin' to get under my skin on purpose."
>You chuckle quietly and both ponies turn to look at you.
>"Is somethin' funny, Anon?"
>"Yes, I'm not sure what you could be laughing about."
"It's just... watching you two interact. You're both so ridiculously different, yet here you are, best friends, deeply caring for each other, apologizing at the drop of a hat..."
>You shake your head.
"Humans back on Earth could learn a lot from you two."
>Rarity tilts her head inquisitively.
>"Do humans not usually get along?"
>You chuckle again, grimly this time.
"I hear it's possible, but not with any of the humans I knew. Right bunch of shit heads they were."
>Rarity gasps, her ears dropping back.
6/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660760 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:05:22")

">>32660755
"Nah fuck 'em, they deserve it. Seriously, everyone I knew was an asshole, even my family. Twilight always felt terrible about bringing me here and was trying to figure out how to send me back..."
>You sigh.
"Few days ago I told her I never wanted to go back. Never want to see any of them again."
>Applejack jerks to a halt.
>You suddenly realize that you've told Apple Bloom and Big Mac about this but hadn't got around to telling Applejack.
>Very few things are more important to her than family.
>Maybe no things.
>You turn to her and immediately cringe.
>You could almost see her thoughts on her face, her inner turmoil of emotions fighting for control.
>Disgust, horror, pity...
>Relief... and affection?
>"Y-You... never want to see yer f-family again? They... They were that bad?"
>You nod your head solemly.
>Applejack's lip quivers.
>The three of you were standing in the middle of the street, the occasional pony walking around your little group, looking concerned for Applejack and often casting suspicious looks at you, the human.
>Rarity looks around, then points to an empty bench a short distance from where ponies walk, murmuring quietly but with a stern, commanding tone.
>"Come, you two. Go to that bench right now."
>She bumps your hip with her head to get you started, then pushes Applejack with a hoof similarly.
>You walk to the bench and sit down in silence, Applejack sitting directly next to you.
>Rarity strokes your knee and gives you a reassuring smile, then turns to Applejack and nuzzles her cheek.
>"I'll give you two a moment alone. I'll be just over there."
>She walks across the street and into what looks to be a smoothie shop.
>Applejack takes a slow, deep breath and you sigh.
"I'm sorry I just dropped that on you like that... I meant to tell you, I just never had a good opportunity. I already... uh, Apple Bloom and Big Mac already know. It just... sorta came up."
7/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660762 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:06:25")

">>32660760
>She mumbles slowly.
>"I can... can't even imagine it."
"Imagine what?"
>"Hating... well, hating anyone really, but... yer own family?"
>She slowly turns to look at you, her eyes wet.
>"How terrible ya gotta be to get hated by yer own kin?"
>You grimace and mutter.
"You really want to know?"
>She hesitates, looking uncertain, then nods.
>"I think I n-need to... I need to understand."
>You nod, look down at your hands in your lap, and begin to speak.
>No emotion or expression, just a dull, matter-of-fact tone.
>You describe your father's alcohol fueled rage.
>How it lead to your mother's death.
>Finding your sister's used heroin needles... and hearing her with a new guy in bed every other night.
>You talk about getting ridiculed for actually trying at anything.
>About your first love, who cheated on just four days later.
>...And that fucking asshole Kevin.
>Your best friend, Kevin... who dumped his blame on you, got you expelled, and got you beat half to death.
>Overall, you keep it pretty concise and to the point, with almost no elaboration.
>In fact, you manage to summarize the first twenty years of your miserable life on Earth in less than five minutes.
>You expected to get more emotional, maybe need to fight back tears.
>You only feel empty and cold.
>You calmly look up to meet her gaze again.
>Applejack just stares at you with those enormous glistening green eyes.
>You can see faint dark lines in her fur where her tears have rolled down her muzzle.
>She takes a shuddering breath.
>Then she leans forward and hugs you from the side, tucking her snoot into the crook of your neck.
>Her stetson hat bumps into the side of your head and slides down her neck.
>You wrap your arms around her and lay your head on hers.
>You feel warm.
8/8"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32660768 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)06:09:04")

">>32660762
Yay, more feels! Don't you love feels? I know we've already sorta been over Anon's past twice so I tried to keep it concise. Next update should be fun and happy. Well, I hope. We'll see where the mood takes me.

https://pastebin.com/fFDLGj9H

As always, please tell me what you think. I appreciate honest criticism."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32660963 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)08:18:50")

">>32647247
>>"Well it worked for Freddie Mercury."
Now I kinda want to read a green featuring Freddy Mercury in Equestria."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32661043 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)09:05:44")

">>32660768
>Don't you love feels?
Meh. Not very effective."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32661659 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)12:15:35")

">>32660963
Interdasted"
;


if(Maonyman !!Qi4bigyYLqE && title=="" && postNumber==32661801 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)13:08:09")

">>32661043
That's understandable since I kinda tried to rush through it.

I probably should have waited another day or two, given it a couple editing passes. This update hasn't been edited yet, I posted it right when I finished writing it."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32662374 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)15:42:32" && image=="1366502601144.png")

"";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32662406 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)15:49:59")

">>32660768
I do love feels and this update was a light poke in the feels. Could it have been better? Maybe but I liked it nonetheless. I'm a sucker for feelsy romance and your story offers up a healthy side of family too. I'm really, really enjoying the tale overall and I look forward to reading the next update."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32662661 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)16:40:37")

">>32662374
Damn I miss that drawfag ...
And to add insult to injury the non-mlp stuff he does now isn't even as fun."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32663290 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)19:08:31")

">>32662661
Eh, I just ignore thezootopia stuff"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32664289 && dateTime=="07/17/18(Tue)23:02:57")

">>32663290
>the zootopia
Ugh, don't remind me those fandom. They more worse than UnderFucker."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32664678 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)00:25:53")

"What happened to the anonfilly threads?";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32664918 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)01:35:08")

">>32664289
Wait, why? I really enjoyed the movie and I like the porn but I'm not particularly aware of the fandom. Why are they cancer?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665116 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)02:50:36")

">>32664918
They're no more cancerous than us to be honest.

I like the porn too.
Some of the 3d stuff hits uncanny valley though.
I'm more of a traditional porn animation guy myself."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665127 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)02:57:29")

">>32664678
PTFG is the anonpony thread."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665331 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)04:57:29")

">>32660768
Keep going, fucker. I need this to update faster than I can read so I can keep reading it."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665405 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)05:54:13" && image=="47028__safe_artist-colon-boneswolbach_berry+punch_berryshine_simple+background_transparent+background_vector.png")

">>32664289
>getting superior over other cancerous fandoms while you're in one
Thanks Anon, that was a good kek"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665434 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:18:01" && image=="Hkconcept.jpg")

"So, we've been having a little discussion over at the Magicless Anon thread about merging into AiE, given how slow the thread's gotten as of late. Are you guys cool with me continuing the thread's monstrous story, Thaumaturgy With Anon, over here?";


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665439 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:19:43")

">>32665434
As long as it fits in the two rules, it can go here."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665455 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:29:17")

">>32665439
Are those two rules "stars Anonymous" and "takes place in Equestria?""
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665456 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:30:02")

">>32665455
>dubs of truth
Those rules sound pretty good to me."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665458 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:30:32")

">>32665455
Yep. We're but a simple folk here. Too many rules and writers break down and cry more than usual."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665460 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:31:10")

">>32665434
If your story has an Anon in it, and he's in Equestria at some point, it's an AiE story, and thus welcome here. We even merged with the PiE thread, which isn't AiE by definition. 95% of the story threads on this board are basically just glorified Anon in Equestria threads that want to feel special. We welcome all lost children back into the fold, once they're past their rebellious phase."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665462 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:31:31")

">>32665434
>>32665439
If it features Anon in Equestria then you can post here and we think you should, everybody just runs off and posts in their own threads for some reason.
I'm pretty sure most Anon's these days don't have magic anyway."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665484 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:45:29")

">>32665462
>nowadays
I don't think Anon with magic was ever popular to begin with"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665487 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)06:48:46")

">>32665484
The nature of the prompt is that Anonymous takes exception to his innate lack of magic and does something about it. In HK's story, Anonymous becomes a powerful spellcaster and a central figure in a big, complex and still unfolding story."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665529 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:15:57")

">>32665487
hmm
sounds neat, if you're not the writer can you give me a somewhat unbiased opinion of how good it is?
also who does he waifu?"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665562 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:31:46")

">>32665529
The story has some ups and downs, with some inconsistencies in tone and someone inadequate characterization. The plot is fascinating though, and if you like watching people nerd around with figuring out how magic works, there's a lot of fun to be had. As for waifus, Love triangle between Twilight and Luna."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665568 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:33:36")

">>32665562
>that spoiler
aaand no longer interested
I'm sure the magic stuff is neat though, since I'm a fucking nerd."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665581 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:39:04" && image=="953535.png")

">>32665434
Go for it."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665584 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:41:04")

">>32665568
>aaand no longer interested
It's really rather secondary to the story to begin with. They agree to share, later on."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665587 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)07:43:51")

">>32665568
Not so much a "triangle", more like a bloody battle to the death over Anon.
There isn't really much focus on it, though. It's worth suffering through, I think."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665663 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)08:56:46")

">>32660963
>>32661659
>"Freddie, dear? I have a question."
"What's on your mind, darling?"
>"Aside from sharing a catchphrase, or your dashing mustache? Just a minor issue."
"Is it how I keep stealing the show during your musical numbers? I can't help it. If you want me to join in, don't expect me to blend in with the choir."
>"Oh no, not that. By all means, sing your heart out! Coming from a world where musical accompaniment doesn't play out of nowhere to one that does must be incredibly liberating."
"You have no idea."
>"I was wondering about your choice of songs, however. I notice you're assigning motifs to us. Chrysalis is a 'Killer Queen,' Maud will 'rock' us, and so forth."
"Maud was spectacular during the guitar solo. She plays better with hooves than some do with fingers. Anyway, what's troubling you?"
>"Well... I find your choices strange sometimes. I should hope Chrysalis hasn't sunk to that level quite yet. Mrs. Cake is indeed a 'Fat Bottomed Girl' but that one's rather on the nose. And then there's my motif. What in Equestria do I have to do with bicycles?"
>Freddie is silent for a moment
>Dying of AIDS was relatively peaceful, but all the same he didn't enjoy the experience
>A second go around at the pearly gates is something he'd rather stave off as long as possible
>Fortunately, creativity strikes him before an insulted unicorn can
"You see, er... you're always in motion. Always going somewhere, designing, managing, working. You're never at rest, but your still make it look elegant."
>The concerned fashionista smiles at him
>"Oh! Goodness, I never thought of it that way! I thought you meant I was the 'town bicycle,' as they say."
"I'd never say that."
>But she's such a flirt that he suspects she is
>So yes, he did say that
>Rarity waves a hoof dismissively
>"Oh, I wouldn't mind in the least if you do. Half of Ponyville has called me something along those lines while my mouth was otherwise occupied. I was just hoping for something more inspired.""
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32665988 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)11:22:57")

">>32665460
>PiE
>technically isn't AiE
I kind of like the cooperation between PiE & AiE. It's like AiE is a sort of 'back up' to PiE so when they're at a death crawl they merge here. When a couple of creatives get a hanker'n for PiE their tread goes up, content is had and they can come back when they slow down again.

So in short >>32665434 famalam, "Come on over! We'd be happy to host your story." Full Disclosure: I've been following "Thaumaturgy With Anon" since the second pastebin. Needless to say, I'm hooked. I'd likely follow you to almost any thread on the board."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32666470 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)14:20:06" && image=="aie.png")

">>32665434
late to the party reply"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32666487 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)14:24:51")

">>32665988
the whole of this board should be forcibly confined to one AiE thread and one General thread for everything else. The shitposting would be ~glorious~"
;


if(He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria && title=="" && postNumber==32666917 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)16:07:22")

">Today you're feeling generous and slightly obligated.
>The ponies of Ponyville have been so nice to you, you feel the need to give something back.
>You can't exactly afford presents for everyone. And you're definitely not the type to buy a bunch of cheap crap in bulk to hand out. So what to do?
>What to do....
>Hmmm, you could get them a hug. Yes a hug! They'd like that.
>It sounds sappy to you but these ponies would get it and really appreciate it.
>They've got a special thing for all that touchy feely stuff.
>It's decided. You're going to hug every pony in Ponyville and maybe Spike to. And you're going to start now.
>Right now.
>Opening the front door of your cottage you find Pinkie sitting on your doorstep.
>"Pinkie. What are you doing here?"
>"Waiting for my hug, silly. And the answer to your question is Pinkie sense."
>Ok then, so that's how she knew. Welp gotta start somewhere, the pink party pony gets the first hug of the day.
>And it's a long hug. She smells like fresh bread.
>After a short argument you managed to convince her to end the hug. If she kept on hugging, you wouldn't have time to hug all the other ponies.
>Your logic is flawless. At least to a Pinkie Pie.
>Next stop the market. You hug the flowers sisters, Applejack, Applebloom, BonBon, Mr Cake.
>Basically there's a lot of ponies in the market and you're hugging them."
;


if(He-Anon and the Masters of Equestria && title=="" && postNumber==32666927 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)16:08:40")

">>32666917
>Once the market is cleared out, it's off to the town square.
>Or it would be if a purple blur hadn't just slammed into you.
>"Twilight?"
>"Hi Anon."
>"What are you doing?"
>"Hugging you."
>Yes that's quite self-evident bookhorse.
>"Why?"
>"My research shows you need it."
>"How so?"
>"Based on empirical observation, if you are breaking your social norms to hug so many ponies, you must be feeling extremely isolated and in need of urgent social contact."
>Tiny horse logic strikes again.
>"I calculate you need at least eight minutes of alicorn hug to rectify the situation."
>You don't have the heart to correct her, nevermind shrug her off.
>Welp there's goes the plan."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32667545 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)18:28:17")

">>32666487
We've told every spinoff thread that we'd all be happier under one roof but they just want to continue being special."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32667969 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)19:36:16")

"I just remembered I made some AiE greens a while ago for the Pinkie and Tree Hugger threads, I was gonna post them but I found out my account got fucked and has literally vanished off the face of the earth so I had to re-upload them to a new account
either way here they are if anyone's interested
https://pastebin.com/SvdQ8pW8
https://pastebin.com/WRJs34SP"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32668753 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)22:11:16" && image=="neat.png")

if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32668787 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)22:18:27" && image=="HK-47.png")

">>32665434
Well, looks like there's a pretty positive reception to migrating over to this thread, so I think that'll be my course of action. It's funny, actually: this came at a pretty perfect time, both near the end of the previous thread, and at the end of the latest Pastebin of the story.
I usually like to keep to a consistent schedule, and right now, I'm slated for a Friday update. So, for anyone who might be interested in what I've got, I'll drop the Pastebins for a little game of catch-up. Well, okay, maybe it's more of a huge game of catch-up: I wasn't kidding when I said this story is monstrous.
Part 1: https://pastebin.com/GGMNC8h7
Part 2: https://pastebin.com/kQCRMUTs
Part 3: https://pastebin.com/JTAGVFDM
Part 4: https://pastebin.com/iwdvta5w
Part 5: https://pastebin.com/mLFzAVQa"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32668826 && dateTime=="07/18/18(Wed)22:27:00")

">>32668787
>Five pastes of a few thousand lines
Sweet summer child.
Gather 'round and listen to the tale of the Great Wall of Tyko."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32669435 && dateTime=="07/19/18(Thu)01:39:49")

">>32638790
Bumping a week later to say I liked this a lot."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32670260 && dateTime=="07/19/18(Thu)09:13:19")

">>32668826
If you scrolled fast enough it looked like the matrix"
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32670632 && dateTime=="07/19/18(Thu)11:31:26")

">>32670260
One of the first iterations of the Matrix was supposed to be a paradise.

If we start feeding AIs MLP content now, we might be able to get our future robot overlords to grant our wish of going to Equestria."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32671532 && dateTime=="07/19/18(Thu)15:30:17")

">>32670632
I for one, welcome our new robot overlords."
;


if(Anonymous && title=="" && postNumber==32671729 && dateTime=="07/19/18(Thu)16:36:51" && image=="1367397819123.png")

"";


}
}