'>>35458815
I wish i was a human being, instead of a person shaped puppet...';

'I literally don't know what to do anymore. Ignoring it doesn't work, Im too nervous to talk to other people about it, I live in the UK and am too poor for private so I'd have to do HRT, but I have awful anxiety over my health and could never do something like injecting myself';

'i'm easily manipulated by the internet. all because people on the internet said so, i was a transphobic alt-right white supremacist and now i'm just a dysphoric autistic male who might take estrogen at any moment now. i don't even feel like a girl. i don't want to be next chris chan bros...';

'>>35459239
same its ok we'll get through this';

'>>35459203
i wouldn't look like a girl
my body is wrong';

'>looked at myself in the mirror
holy fuck how is my head this big';

'bumping dead general lol';

'>>35461577
I wish we were all as equally dead.';

'as a cis gay dude sometimes I wish my weird feelings I feel about my gender (but especially around my penis and balls) that kinda feels like dysphoria were stronger so I can live this weird fantasy of mine where im a repressor that never troons out but have a loving bf';

'>>35458815
>>35452040
>Doing nofap to get rid of AGP is like trying to fast to get rid of hunger, you will always feel hunger as long as you are alive.
So how do i healthily feed this hunger w/ ever increased aging, balding, & being a full blown autist schizoid (never have legit relationships, ever).';

'>>35463190
You have to indulge in it but keep it within reasonable limits.
Obviously that does not mean gooning 10 hours a day to sissy hypno, but you have to let it out somehow or the pent up pressure will eventually blow up and kill you one way or the other.
Until we manage to manipulate our brains with sci fi neuralink brain chips type of shit, you are stuck with this persistent sexual pattern that wants to be fulfilled and realized just as strongly as a cis hetero guy's need of fucking pussy.
You are up against a desire that is arguably the strongest and most potent desire a human can have - sexual drive, you stand no chance against it.';

'>>35463265
thx for insightful reply
i just dont know if i should view agp like an addiction or sexual orientation.';

'>>35459203
i tried that and it was awful and everyone hated me';

'this gen is dead my n word, only 15 replies in like 10 hours holy fuck, i guess everyone roped..';

'>>35464120
>rep gen
all reppers either j50 or rope
>inb4 some successfully live their lives out
not any that are actively coming to a forum for trannies
>>35459191
ask on hrtgen';

'>>35464134
yea, repping is a solo activity or between you and Jesus Christ if you got bored of it being solo..';

'need a war to die in methinks...';

'>>35463510
>i just dont know if i should view agp like an addiction or sexual orientation.
Sexual behaviour is by definition an addiction.
No healthy man with good testosterone levels can go a week without having sex/jerking off, it's absolute torture not to.
That's textbook addiction bestowed upon us by nature so we won't forget to have sex and reproduce.
AGPs have a sexuality that is kind of useless romantic/reproductive wise, it's typically anallosexual, engaging with our AGP doesn't feel very fulfilling as it doesn't involve us bonding with another person.
It's absolutely isolating and depressing to have but that's the cards you've been dealt with, some people get terminal cancer at 20, you get AGP, life is cruel.';

'>mental effects are a meme
>physical effects are a meme

So why do trannies act like HRT fixed their entire life? Is it just a placebo effect or self-gaslighting?';

'>>35464680
in reality hrt is just apart of the "it depends meme"
some people are basically cis women after 6 months and others just get gyno';

'>>35464749
>some people are basically cis women after 6 months
these people were women or almost women even before hrt let's be honest, it is all genetics and hrt doesn't do much..';

'>>35464766
This is such bullshit
I can't transition even if I wanted to
And even if I could I'm giant compared to my female relatives

The world is too evil to have been created by random chance. There must be an evil being behind this';

'>>35464782
> There must be an evil being behind this
come on, Jesus would never do this to us.. he would never.. he is just too pure..';

'Why did God make me such a faggot';

'>>35466090
to test you';

'did therapy help you rep';

'god gave me the body of a completely unmasculine man, skinny and weak but also no feminine traits either. worst of both worlds, either make my body like a normal man or allow me to transition instead of being a stick figure with gyno, fuck biology';

'>>35464766
the other anon did imply that hrt is a gamble to be fair so you both are right in my opinion

>>35466117
wasn't really helpful for me but you also have to consider therapy requires both a specific mindset and the right therapist so your milage my vary';

'waiting until someone posts "take your pills retards" once again';

'>>35466315
do not take your pills kind fellows';

'>>35464680
I have a friend who converted to an obscure religion and literally nothing about his life improved at all but he says that he feels the best he has in years and that his god is obviously real to him
Having some new thing going on that's going to change your life gives people hope I think';

'>>35463190

honest anon I think the trick is to get your mind to a point where it can let go lightly, instead of trying to suppress your urges through sheer force of will. it's a subtly different approach and way of thinking about your desire.';

'>>35458815
take your pills';

'>>35466721
there it is!!!!!!!!!!!!';

'>>35466730
retards';

'>>35458815
guess i'll go back to repping, but on hrt. its not like i'll be cute and feminine.hell...i'm so ugly that i might not even be androgynous.';

'>>35466613
I should say that I view this negatively. His new god and his amazing feelings inspired by this god are obviously being deployed to as excuses to why he doesn't have to do basic, obvious things to improve his life... there are a lot of mtfs who seem to accept that they can never work normal jobs... I mean how could you? And then they're a hooker, but they feel great they swear, annnnnd now they're dead';

'>>35464379
>Sexual behaviour is by definition an addiction.
In that case it can be fought back like any other addiction. It is possible to be free of sexual behavior if you simply do not give in.';

'>>35466740
<3';

'>>35466613
Finding God is the most important thing anyone can do in their life so it makes sense he's happy.';

'>>35464120
i caved and trooned out, i just come back to this thread occasionally to shitpost

>>35464749
i'm responding well and i feel much better, but i honestly think i've got tranny genetics that allow for estrogen to be effective. i looked pretty androgynous before. some trannies are hyper-responders to estrogen while others it barely does anything. it's a total dice roll.

>>35464782
i'm 6'2. it's whatever. being a heighthon sucks but you make peace with it. there's way worse dice rolls than just being a heighthon.

>>35466117
it helped me accept. if you do therapy and want to make sure your therapist doesn't push trooning out on you, you need to be explicit about that otherwise they might do more gender exploratory therapy.

>>35466746
yeah this was *by far* the hardest hurdle for me to overcome. being a man you can do whatever you want and being tranny especially early in transition means giving up some things. but i absolutely didn't want to troon out and just be fucking useless without a career and friends. most of my old friends were hypermasc dudes and i only kept some of them after trooning, sucks. rn i've got a good career as a self-taught software dev but i'm planning on going back to school next year to make a new social group and get an engineering degree.

a lot of trannies seem to just do nothing and sit inside all day or join a polycule. i'm not nearly autistic enough where that sounded at all appealing to me, so i had to be absolutely certain that i could troon out, still keep some of my normal friends, family, and be able to do social activities. otherwise my quality of life would have been far worse than repping.';

'>>35466863
>In that case it can be fought back like any other addiction. It is possible to be free of sexual behavior if you simply do not give in.
We are addicted to food and water, you can't fight back against hunger and thirst, you'll simply die.
Same thing with sexual desire, it is simply impossible to not engage in sexual behavior as a non castrated male.';

'>>35467638
>We are addicted to food and water
No, that's not what addiction means. We need food and water to stay alive. It's a biological necessity for our continued existence.
The human body does not need sex. No biological damage is done when a human being does not engage in sexual behavior.
>it is simply impossible to not engage in sexual behavior
You haven't tried.';

'>>35467723
>No, that's not what addiction means.
I meant to say that the desire for nourishment and sexual gratification works in much the same way as a crackhead compulsive need to smoke crack.
The only difference is in persistence - the need for sexual gratification never diminishes in healthy males, there is no hope for "recovery".
>The human body does not need sex. No biological damage is done when a human being does not engage in sexual behavior.
I am not convinced by that.
You could argue in a similar fashion that the human body does not need socialization and that therefore, no biological damage is done when a human is permanently isolated, but that's clearly wrong as humans are a social creature and we are harmed (biologically) by not socializing.
Likewise, humans are sexual creatures, by denying ourselves sexual release it's easy to see how such a thing could lead to real biological damage and potentially alter our brains in a harmful way.';

'>>35467813
>You could argue in a similar fashion that the human body does not need socialization and that therefore, no biological damage is done when a human is permanently isolated, but that's clearly wrong as humans are a social creature and we are harmed (biologically) by not socializing.
You can see this most clearly in feral children.
Some of these children are clearly permanently damaged by the lack of human contact.
Sure, there isn't any bodily need for human contact, you won't die or anything but it is ultimately harmful.
The same goes for sexual release, deny yourself sexual release and you'll fuck your brain up probably.';

'>>35467813
>blah blah blah
Human beings do not need sexual release and you haven't shown that they do.';

'>>35468012
>Human beings do not need sexual release and you haven't shown that they do.
How about your mom then';

'>>35459191
Use vanna, it's cheap and good quality';

'>using AI to generate attractive women that I wish I could become';

'HRT is a cure for dysphoria the same way a wheelchair is a cure for paraplegia.';

'>>35468055
She will burn in nuclear fire with the rest of humanity.';

'>>35466710
>honest anon I think the trick is to get your mind to a point where it can let go lightly, instead of trying to suppress your urges through sheer force of will. it's a subtly different approach and way of thinking about your desire.
So i should stop feeling shame & incorporate into life? Does AGP mean an individual is (more or less) trans or is that premature?
>>35464379
Sexual behaviour is by definition an addiction.
No healthy man with good testosterone levels can go a week without having sex/jerking off, it's absolute torture not to.
That's textbook addiction bestowed upon us by nature so we won't forget to have sex and reproduce.
AGPs have a sexuality that is kind of useless romantic/reproductive wise, it's typically anallosexual, engaging with our AGP doesn't feel very fulfilling as it doesn't involve us bonding with another person.
It's absolutely isolating and depressing to have but that's the cards you've been dealt with, some people get terminal cancer at 20, you get AGP, life is cruel.
Thx for reply.
But lifes been cruel. Born w PDDnos, ill parents forced me to be masculine & repress this. cptsd from other baggage too.
Can AGPs ever find love with other AGPs who share the same AGP interests?';

'>When you find out that you're only getting an improvement of 20% if you start hrt now

yeah hrt is a fucking meme if you're an adult. I missed the boat completely. I didn't even know until I was 25';

'>>35459499
>see myself in the mirror
>"hey, I might actually pull it off with some effort"
>see myself in the same mirror next day
>"it's fucking over, just end me"
>see myself in the same mirror the day after that
>"STOP IT, I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT HORRIBLE MONSTER. IT CAN'T BE ME, I BETTER DISSOCIATE FAST OR ELSE I'M GOING TO TEAR MY FACE OFF"';

'giga blackpill: all of you will eventually troon out. make no mistake, by posting here and on this board you have already sealed your fate.

>>35469209
that's odds of suicidal ideation not overall mental health. you're far less likely to sui anyway as an older repper than a youngshit.';

'>>35469690
Seems like a contradiction. How can you have good mental health but high suicidal ideation?';

'>>35469690
>giga blackpill: all of you will eventually troon out. make no mistake, by posting here and on this board you have already sealed your fate.
That's the plan
t. repping until they move out or give up';

'am i a repper if im very envious of girls for being pretty, cute, carefree, sensitive, and happy (giwtwm)
or am I incel brained';

'>>35469833
repper
that's obviously a very idealised image you have but i understand the feeling';

'I think i might just be a bisexual side and the tranny thoughts where just a cope.
I can't really view myself making friends as a tranny or being successful as one.';

'>>35469690
Sometimes I think I'll end it before trooning out. The pain it's becoming too unbearable.';

'>>35469845
it's over...
yeah. i know girls have their own issues. its so hard to be happy as a male. i feel like a gross monster';

'>>35469690
>giga blackpill: all of you will eventually troon out
that's not a blackpill';

'>>35469880
if it's something you feel from the core of your being, then yes you probably will feel better as a girl';

'>>35469876
ygmi anonette.

i don't know if you need to hear this but it matters way more to you than it does to anyone else. people don't actually care all that much as much as you think they do. you should be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy. you're here just like i was because you're wrestling with being happy and true to yourself vs. what you think other people expect from you.

i repped for so many years and in the end it was all for nothing. i didn't get any award or any trophy. i just lost years where i could be myself.';

'>>35469921
idk. kinda. ive been in this spot a million times. where im depressed and only soft, pretty stuff motivates me. i hate how incongruent my body is to the aesthetic and eventually i spiral out, giving up again. having fembrained interests triggers my ocd to think "what if im a pervert?" etc.';

'>>35470044
you're not a pervert anonette

you might just be a girl :( it's ok to be a girl';

'>>35470044
there are smaller things you can do even with a non ideal body to make you feel better. Obviously shaving/skincare etc. but also fashion since a lot of woman's clothing nowadays is somewhat gender neutral, you can wear it and feel softer and more feminine without feeling weird';

'>>35470080
idk. i'm too malebrained in other ways. i like linux and vtubers ffs, im agp incarnate
>>35470089
shaving made me feel worse sadly. it reminded me how big my body is and the prickly hairs that would come in a day later.
it's more to do with aesthetic interests / hobbies. cottagecore, arts & crafts, gardening, decorating, music tastes. im scared to death of being bullied for that';

'>>35470044
Give living as a girl a try without jumping right to trooning out. If being an even partially passing tranny fundamentally improves your quality of life and stops or at least lessens your mental health issues than clearly your feelings are genuine at not solely fetishistic. Only you know your soul nigga, listen and be honest with yourself.';

'>>35470421
okay. that's a healthier approach. smaller steps feel easier for me.
i think it's caused by genuine feelings, trauma, and fetishistic stuff. though last is influenced by the first two...';

'>>35470501
>trauma
were you sexually or emotionally abused at some point? Do you remember a distinct time period or event after which you started having these feelings, or have they always been present to some extent? What makes you think that your feelings might be partially or even mostly fetishistic in their nature/origin?';

'>>35470534
emotionally, yes. feelings started when i was 17 in a depression episode. the art and aesthetic interests i have are from where i felt safe. the bedrooms i stayed in had floral designs. i felt free from family conflicts in forests, fields, and other natural areas. that's why i like picrel
i think my brain associates being a girl with being free from myself and my past. there's no baggage there. i don't have to worry that i'm like my father who neglected me
idk. maybe the AGP isnt a fetish but a trauma response to cope with a poor childhood. which depresses me more as it feels like i can't win over my past.';

'>>35470727
It seems like you either need to overcome your past directly if you wish to feel comfortable being masculine. Are you worried you will somehow end up being identical to your father? Or you can move forward as a new person, accept what happened to you and come to terms with it having irrevocably altered who you are as a person.';

'>>35470727
Another thing to not is that just because something is motivated/induced by a traumatic event does not make it inherently negative even if the event itself was horrible. What is important is how adversely is impacts your life and how capable you are of coping with it. For example of someone had a fear of flames because they were once badly burnt by z fire but can live their life either avoiding open flames or tolerating them with some distance then they can likely live simply dealing with that trauma. Compare this to someone who suffered a similar event but the result was them tearing up at even the slightest amount of heat, i effects their life on a fundamentally different level.';

'>>35470802
i can't. i don't know how to be masculine. it feels pointless to try to be something that i dont understand the meaning behind. i feel like most of life is meaningless. university, having a successful career, having kids. it all feels pointless when im miserable anyways.
yes, i am deeply afraid of being like my father, in part because my OCD makes me feel hyperresponsible to not hurt anyone.
>>35470850
>induced by a traumatic event does not make it inherently negative
that's true. i was thinking about that while applying some CBT techniques on myself.';

'>>35470878
Well then try living a women and see how it goes. If you are sure being masculine if a complete one option then what else is there besides trying? All I have done is help you articulate how you already feel.';

'I booked in a session with a professional dominatrix like a couple of days ago, and honestly, I think being forced into a corset and spat on may be the best experience I've ever had in my sad existence of a life.
It's over for me fellow reppers I'm donezo.';

'>>35471247
I still have in the back of my head that greentext from a couple weeks ago about an anon who hooked up with someone who he suspected was reppressing and mindbroke them with his cock

After reading that, I acted stupid next time I was with my friends.
Outed all my most depraved fetishes to two of them while drunk. Then I brattily teased one (who is fruity straight) until he choked me for a couple seconds.
Made my heart race like I never felt it before.';

'>>35471247
that sounds so fun';

'>>35470011
>i don't know if you need to hear this?
I just came out from the bathroom after locking myself there for half an hour because I didn't wanted to deal with anybody's shit due to the dysphoria and depression and general shit getting too much into me. I really needed some kind words right now. thanks.
>people don't actually care all that much as much as you think they do
I wish I could believe that, I really do, but I can't. I'm all sorts of fucked up thanks to living in a third world shithole, coming from an abusive family and being a tranny, I have way too much fear and pain in me to truly take those words and fully believe them. I feel trapped here, I wish I could escape this place but I do wonder if I would do it somewhere else even, because I might escape my shitty country one day but the country might never leave me, nor the wounds.

All can I ask for right now it's to have the strength to endure my own personal hell while I try to get myself an education that might take me out of here. It's a small hope within a small hope but it's all I have going on for me right now. If I actually achieve it and go somewhere that's nicer to trans folks and even there I don't have the strength to do it then I will end it for sure, because it means that I just can't possibly function in this world. But since that hasn't happened I just have to keep going with my current plan and just pray that I don't crumble and die before reaching the end goal.

Anyways, thanks for the words, really. You just made my day a little less shittier.';

'>>35471370
>Made my heart race like I never felt it before.
It's an electric feeling to have your buttons pressed, even if it's only for a little while.

She sat me down, and we had some coffee before the session began and discussed fetishes. I explained my tastes, but she was almost pushing for more like deep down she knew I was repressing certain things and I came out and basically told her that I'm massively turned on by the idea of being 'surgically' forced femmed like having a boob job or whatever.

Anyways, during the session she squeezes my tiny little estro tits hard and tells me how good I'll look with a bigger pair, using them to titfuck a load of guys and I came in seconds.

Fuck my life why couldn't I just be normal.';

'>>35471399
It was...';

'I wish I was a cis woman. I can barely function at this point.';

'>>35471515
>She sat me down, and we had some coffee before the session began and discussed fetishes. I explained my tastes, but she was almost pushing for more like deep down she knew I was repressing certain things and I came out and basically told her that I'm massively turned on by the idea of being 'surgically' forced femmed like having a boob job or whatever.
Oh this would already break me.
I had to be pretty tipsy to go over fetishes/scenarios to people I've known for years, and I couldn't even look at them in the eyes while doing it.
I get she's a pro and she'll likely have heard worse but I don't know how I'd get past the initial shame

>Anyways, during the session she squeezes my tiny little estro tits hard and tells me how good I'll look with a bigger pair, using them to titfuck a load of guys and I came in seconds.
That sounds straight out of a doujin but still kinda cute.';

'Imagine having sex. Ew. I can't relate to this stuff.';

'>>35471757
Neither can I. The people here are absolute degenerates.';

'i am not trans lol, i just kinda envy people who have better lives cause they are pretty, know what they want and who they are etc... i just failed at having an identity. probably happens to a lot of people';

'>>35473996';

'>>35466710
So i should stop feeling shame & incorporate into life? Just keep buying off Aliexpress?';

'bump';

'We all KNOW being trans is bullshit right?
There's literally no such thing
Just autistic men and easily impressionable women driven mad by internet pornography and loneliness.
>inb4 someone pulls out some really gay dickhead from some random indus river valley civilization years ago as """proof"""';

'>>35475618
>troons
No, you can't tell if a child is trans with a survey directly given to them that's not enough :^)
>also troons
Yes you can tell if someone born 1800 years ago was trans just by something that was written about them by some greek historian';

'>>35468426
using AI to roleplay as a woman getting dominated by a female dominatrix';

'>>35477256
>forgot le meme arrow
I'm so retarded';

'>>35471370
I think i know the one you are talking about
giwtwm';

'>>35477256
it's nice and all but i'm thinking would being a perfectly attractive biological woman make me happy?
probably it would improve things but i might be too lazy to maintain that body';

'How do people with dysphoria still manage to work a job and go to college? Always found that strange.';

'I wish I could be trans, unfortunately my dysphoria is too fluctuating to consider transition.';

'>>35478530
the entire reason i have a job is to pay for hrt
t. not on hrt';

'>alternating between feeling like I could have a chance and feeling like I'm too masculine again';

'>>35478845
I can't work at all. Too apathetic about life. It's not even dysphoria it's just "Who cares"';

'>>35479006
i have extreme adhd and struggle to start things
but i keep telling myself i'm going to move out and get estrogen';

'God if I had tits I would be touching them and jerking off 24/7';

'>>35479253
same
i wish i could just live as a shut in girl playing with my tits';

'>>35467045
>planning on going back to school next year to make a new social group
This is actually sounds like a good idea.
I'm repping through my back to school period, and it would have probably made more sense to--if Imma gonna--troon out during. It's a liberal program, and I could have taken advantage of the people who are socially obligated to support me.';

'>>35479253
its totally not a fetish tho!!';

'>>35478950
Same. I've been getting a couple of "we're so back" days lately, but I know I'll get the "it's over" days again. It's such a rollercoaster of anxiety and hope.';

'>applying for jobs
>"do you identify as transgender"
>no
haha i will never be a woman';

'>>35479790
>be in college
>end up assigned with a group of stupid moids for one of the courses
>during one of the classes the teacher hands us a survey
>one of the questions is "do you feel like the opposite gender?"
>feel like answering truly
>we're in a room with this group of fucking moids though, so of course one of them reads the question out loud and says "wtf is this, hahaha"
>being early 2010s everybody agreed it was weird and laughed it off, so did I because I'm a coward and a piece of shit
>end up answering "no"
That haunts me even to this day, it's insane.';

'>>35479488
I malefailed last week, which I guess got my hopes up. But that was from people behind me.
Was weird they didn't correct themselves when I turned around and answered.

I took a shower and all I see in the mirror's beard shadow, receding hairline and a manly jaw/chin.';

'>>35468689
if anyone ever told you it was a "cure" they were lying because there is no cure, it's just the best treatment we have';

'>>35479870
>>we're in a room with this group of fucking moids though, so of course one of them reads the question out loud and says "wtf is this, hahaha"
i'm not even dysphoric, i was that moid

t. was friends with crossdressers in high school and college in the early 2010s, and knew about hrt back then as well';

'>>35479992
What is the suicide rate of trannies post-hrt? What is it compared to the general population?';

'I think you guys should revert to islam, that way you actually have a good reason to rep and would not wish to be a girl anymore becuase if you were a woman you would be very controlled and must cover all femenine parts like hair and body that you all seem to like';

'>>35480579
I wish people would stop treating religion like clothes you can just put on at will.';

'Why would god make me a sick pervert who wants to be a woman?';

'>>35480636
probably karma or smth tbdesu';

'I think I figured something out here, I didn't come here for at least 2 months and during that time I felt much happier. The key is to repress so hard you don't even remember why you were here in the first place. I think I'm back to my denial phase';

'even my trans friends don't know I'm "repping"';

'if u were christian how would you take these verses
Deuteronomy 22:5
A woman shall not wear a man's garment, nor shall a man put on a woman's clothing; for anyone who does such things is an abomination to the LORD, your God.
1 corinthians 11:14-15
14. Does not the very nature of things teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a disgrace to him,
15. but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For long hair is given to her as a covering';

'https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0YzE5PGAKU';

'i just realized all of this (my "dysphoria" etc.) is fake and it stopped i was just deluding myself now i can't even relate to trans people anymore for i am cured. i am just mentally ill and dissociation created a lack of identity that made me believe i could possibly be a girl which i then recognized as a symptom of dysphoria. i have no point in being here anymore. good luck everyone.';