'>>92619837
No. I've never had the group get weird like that over an imaginary courtship, but unless it was a 'thing' they were doing collaboratively to facilitate the game, I'd probably just have the NPC dislike both of them or take a vacation to the farm where cats, dogs, and goldfish go.';

'>>92619837
I want to have sex with that girl.';

'>>92619837
Yes. Well, less of "affection", more like "possession", but still.';

'>>92619837
>>92619898
>gross consumerist whore
Why?';

'>>92619952
The sleaziness is part of the appeal.';

'>>92619837
I detest the consumerism of your OP image, it's disgusting and vile, any woman like that should be summarily executed.';

'>>92620000
>buying expensive popular brands
>sleazy
????';

'>>92620050
anon, if you don't think that's sleazy you need to take another look at the women in your life';

'>>92619837
That's cause he was a backstabbing bitch.';

'>>92619837
>no ass
Not worth the hassle.';

'>>92619952
>gross consumerist whore
as opposed to the noble slovenly nerd with the expensive gaming pc?';

'>>92623380
>turning down huge tits because not enough ass
Fucking primitive.';

'>>92619837
>Have you ever had PCs fight over an NPC's affections?
Yes.
>it caused our first TPK
It only caused a serious PC injury.
And a LOT of dead harpers.';

'>>92619837
If my players ever do this, I will kill them in real life.';

'OP I sincerely hope you get magically turned into a pair of AirPods Pro and you eat soiboi earwax for the rest of your annoying little life';

'>>92619837
>Party meets a pair of cyborg “twins” (essentially replacing parts with machines and machines with parts to create a new soul or split a soul in half)
>Two of the players waifu them
>Instead of sharing the “twins” and getting one each they argue
>One of them gets killed and the other one goes into a coma indefinitely (they did share one soul and a new soul was not created)
Players ended up getting over it quickly';

'>>92619837
as a PC, it's literally happening in a game right now and i find it extremely amusing';

'>>92625658
Says the caricature of adult infants.';

'Sounds like an interesting dynamic.';

'>>92620144
You're a fucking loser anon, get it together';

'I didn't even realize you could use AirPods with an Android phone.';

'>>92619837
Not fight, but one dude made a few half-hearted low-roll attempts to woo an NPC that was already fooling around casually with another player's PC. When that NPC was rescued from a kidnapping and kissed the other PC, well, the first player did not take it well at all. We had to take a good half hour - 45 minute break to get him to stop flipping out and recognize the several dozen emotional and story cues he didn't act on.
He's a bit autistic and he has gotten better about it. Doesn't freak out nearly as much';

'>>92627904
Tits exist because apes started walking upright, so humans developed a sign of fertility that's not ass, because out eyes were no longer at ass level. Liking ass more than tits is literally a genetic throwback.';

'>>92623380
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJk8zyEhgTc';

'>>92623397
Damn son';

'>>92627968
He's absolutely right though. Maybe those brands were status symbols before. Now the veil has been lifted by social media and we all know exactly how you keep up with those credit card bills.';

'>>92628564
a single bonus check could cover all that crap. i don't care about high fashion but don't pretend that you need an extreme amount of money for it';

'>>92628114
That's not real, man. None of evo-psych is real.';

'>>92628571
I don't know why you're so defensive about premium brands being very impressive to prostitutes and idiots but overpriced garbage to anyone who knows shit about shit. Do you play Age of Sigmar or something?';

'>>92629158
It is 100% real. Liking ass more than tits makes you less than a cave man.';

'>>92625683
>And a LOT of dead harpers.
I need to hear how your PC Terry Davis’d those Luddite bards over a woman';

'>>92619837
Nogames.';

'>>92625683
>lots of dead harpers
Harper deaths always bring me a great amount of joy. A smuch as I'd like to know the full context and story of their demise, just knowing they met their end is enough for me. Fuck harpers.';

'>>92630667
>I need to hear how your PC Terry Davis’d those Luddite bards over a woman
The best part is she initiated the hostilities by throwing a fucking axe in a guy's face while he was trying to speak to her and they STILL jumped to defend her.
>halfing girl (actually a zhentarim agent that has been behind the entire incident they are investigating so far) wants to use the party to kill some harpers who are on to her
>she approaches the one who us always hitting in random women (horny sorceror) and says that some bandits robbed her and stole a family heirloom and if he can get it back for her she will help them collect the bounty on them
>he immediately agrees and starts flirting with her
>evil elf wizard gets involved in trying to score as well
>paladin and dwarf fighter know something is up but are outnumbered (it's a party of 7) so they decide to do some detective work instead
>the party is now unsure but the wizard and sorceror both want to score with the halfling girl so they convince they other characters to go along with it
>the rest of the parry go to where the "bandits" are camped, but they mess up their stealth attack and the harpers try to greet the zhentarim agent
>she throws a fucking axe in his face
>the party slaughters about a dozen harpers
Hang on it gets worse...';

'>>92630856
>I describe her quickly searching the bodies and taking something, she says it's the family heirloom and they just go with it
>meanwhile dwarf fighter and paladin have been asking around and have managed to confirm that the bandits where actually harpers
>the party has an out of character conversation about whether they should trust her but the sorceror and wizard players are too set on scoring to treat her with suspicion and are competing to be on her good side
>she decides that since they are still hopeless rubes that she will get them to clean up another loose end and murder a necromancer she had been paying (the plot of the game up until that point had been finding him)
>party meets up with the other two who are now extremely suspicious but aren't willing to do anything until they know who she is
>the party arrives at the next town and she directs them to the necromancer (none of them seem to question why she knows where he is) and during the fight she literally stabs them in the back with level 5 thief backstab damage and steals one of their horses, leaving the sorceror and the ranger both on death's door
>she rides off in to the sunset
Fucking idiots.
Same campaign had a character die mid-coitus with a disguised green hag (she got away and they burnt down the inn in the process) and an assassin who wanted to do a solo mission get tricked by a gnome in to standing in an alleyway while he cast hold person on him from a scroll and then get robbed, and then a female half orc sorceror (new character that session) arrived, beat up the gnome, used reduce person on the assassin, and returned his shrunk form to the party in a burlap sack.

And before you ask. Yes. She detected as evil. Yes the paladin told them. But so did half of the fucking party, so we established that detecting evil was about intent and not necessarily action so the paladin didn't just smite half the party (he later WOULD smite the assassin character and kill him in a single hit)';

'>>92627968
There's a tat on that tit for a reason anon.';

'>>92630856
>>92630870
Okay, so let me get this straight. The party
>assisted one of the BBEGs with two major problems because two PCs were led by their dicks, in spite of detective work on two other PCs part, the BBEG in question initiating hostilities with an openly friendly party, her INCREDIBLY conspicuous knowledge about the necromancer’s exact whereabouts, and DETECTING EVIL, while still failing to capture her
>lost a PC to a hag in the stupidest way possible and managed to destroy an entire inn without actually killing the hag
>and had a solo assassin lose to a solo gnome by being tricked into one of the easiest set-ups in history, only to be saved at the last minute by a new PC, and STILL get insta-gibbed by the Paladin, in what I assume was also a colossal clusterfuck
Do you play with the three stooges and their four retarded cousins?';

'>>92630986
>and had a solo assassin lose to a solo gnome by being tricked into one of the easiest set-ups in history, only to be saved at the last minute by a new PC, and STILL get insta-gibbed by the Paladin, in what I assume was also a colossal clusterfuck
No no no, the gnome incident and the smiting incident were separate.
But yes aside from that.';

'>>92630547
That implies that the ability to tilt your head down slightly is also a throwback.';

'>>92619837
>Have you ever had PCs fight over an NPC's affections?
No, but we've had PCs fight over a PC's affection.';

'>>92632031
No it doesn't, cope harder homo heidelbergensis.';

'>>92628114
I can't believe people think Prison School is scientifically accurate';

'>Tattoo
I can't help but think women with those are whores.';

'>>92634213
That's because they are.';

'>>92623397
Yes';

'>>92619952
I'm judging her because Hermès is the only fashion house that isn't outsourced chineseum, and she doesn't have any, not because she likes designer goods on general.';

'>>92619837
That would be pretty gay.';

'>>92619952
Nah, she's got a galaxy flip. She's not as shallow as she appears.';

'>>92634213
all women are whores, some just admit it openly';